The Dark Tower Movie * The Beams still stand, barely

I just got back from the 19:19 showing of The Dark Tower. Guess what, folks?

It didn’t suck. I loved it. (Even though it scored a meagre 19% on Rotten Tomatoes)

For those of you who are determined to not go for whatever reasons, I pity you. You are missing another turn of the wheel. This movie was fast paced, had great special effects, good casting, and it sets things up perfectly for the upcoming TV series.

Sure, like all fans, I would have loved to see them Peter Jackson the shit out of this. You know, six epic films. But, that isn’t what happened.

This is another turn of the wheel.

It’s NOT the books. It starts all over.

Roland has given up on saving the Tower and he’s only after revenge. Things are different for Jake too. In this turn, his father has died and his step father is trying to get him sent away. The dreams are driving him crazy. He’s having a tough time. I think that the movie does a good job of providing enough context that anyone unfamiliar with the Dark Tower series will understand what is going on. I found I followed all of the action perfectly. It all made sense. Continue reading “The Dark Tower Movie * The Beams still stand, barely”

The Mummy Reboot – What was Tom Cruise thinking?

That jumbled mess of a movie made no sense… I tried to explain it to a friend this weekend and it went like this:
Two US soldiers out on enemy territory go treasure hunting because they “found” a map that said “Haram” on it. (By definition it means “Forbidden or proscribed by Islamic law.”) How they got Treasure from this is beyond me.

Continue reading “The Mummy Reboot – What was Tom Cruise thinking?”

Kong is King around here! 10 Reasons why I loved this movie!

I loved Kong! Much more than “Logan”. Feel free to throw the rotten tomatoes at me but I didn’t feel any of the XMen excitement when watching the latest installment in the series. It was more like a family drama than like a proper action packed installment. I get it, Logan is not coming back, those stones at the grave will no longer move and that cheesy X sign will guard his body forever. And THANK YOU Marvel for not giving us a freaking end credit. Waited 3 minutes for it and nothing happened! Even Kong had some amazing end credits forshadowing the Godzilla movie coming 2020.

Enough ranting about “Logan”… Loved Kong and let me tell you why! Continue reading “Kong is King around here! 10 Reasons why I loved this movie!”

The story of the aggressive psychopath and of the nicely shaved peasant girl in “50 Shades Darker”

A man will only see this movie if: he is under the shoe of a good lady or if he’s an idiot or if he loses a bet. I’ll pick number two. Still, the nightmare is not only mine to have, there are three other men 2008-adele-567_0in the audience. The girls over over 40, alone. They all seem to be look-alike of Adele. There is a commercial playing advertising slimming yogurts, pots and pans. I would say they are hitting their right market share!

My girlfriend is excited, she has read all the books and can’t wait for the movie to start.

And so it begins.

Continue reading “The story of the aggressive psychopath and of the nicely shaved peasant girl in “50 Shades Darker””

XXX – Xander Cage should have stayed retired

I usually start disliking a movie when the credits sequence is over 1 minute long. This movie has a VERY long credits sequence BEFORE the movie and you should see the one after the movie… I started rolling my eyes and looking at the watch as the director’s name kept on flashing on the screen, Vin Diesel’s name, director’s name again, Vin Diesel again… I was like…sooo… I paid to see a movie. When’s the movie starting? Continue reading “XXX – Xander Cage should have stayed retired”

Martin Scorsese has left me Silent

Not sure because the movie was a technical masterpiece or because of the very long and dragged-out silences in the movie. Is it Oscar season again? Last time I suffered from “Pregant Silence” was during 12 Years a Slave and Ornithologist, Philatelist, Philanthropist – and Murderer? – Foxcatcher.

This is how I looked at the end of the movie:

0104_silence-1-1000x667.jpg Continue reading “Martin Scorsese has left me Silent”

American Pastoral or how family life is not as it looks like from the outside

In 1997, Philip Roth won the Pulitzer Prize for American Pastoral. I’ve gone to the movies last night to see how the book I loved took shape and form based on a script by John Romano.
I knew the main character was based on a real person – with some embellishments. And what a character Roth created! The Swede seemed to have it all! He was a star high school athlete (really, a hero and a legend in his hometown), he married a beauty queen (a former Miss New Jersey), he took over his father’s thriving business (manufacturing high-end ladies’ gloves), he had a house with land (in a very… pastoral setting), he and his wife had a loving, beautiful daughter to care for.
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What could go wrong? All of it. At the 45th high school reunion of Swede’s older brother, Jerry, tells Swede’s story to an old classmate, a journalist who was overseas during the 1960s.

Seymour “Swede” Levov was the pride of the Jewish-American community in Newark (which nicknamed him “Swede” because of his Nordic good looks), but Swede’s life became difficult after high school – and went downhill from there. Swede had to struggle to get his very traditional father to accept the Catholicism of his wife, Dawn.

He struggled to keep his business viable in the face of declining customer demand (and being at the epicenter of the 1967 Newark race riots), and he struggled mightily with his rebellious daughter, Merry. Merry dealt with a bad stutter, which clearly affected her confidence and self-esteem (besides the “problem” of having such a beautiful mother, as pointed out by Merry’s psychologist, played by Molly Parker). But Merry’s problems (and her parents’ problems with Merry) had just begun. Continue reading “American Pastoral or how family life is not as it looks like from the outside”

Arrival Movie or the story of the corny flying almond

Went to see Arrival last night and it must have been the corniest s%4t I’ve ever seen. And I have seen Bridget Jones’ Diary… The story itself is nothing much, I’ve seen it before in movies like First Contact, Deep Blue Sea, ET, (and even though I don’t want it on this list, that crappy Keanu Movie – The day the Earth stood still). I love a good Alien encounter movie – it appeals to my curiosity – are there any other beings in this universe (of course there are), are they intelligent, conscious, driven, do they look like us?

And Arrival does try to answer all of these questions and it’s quite smartly formulated at points but loses the plot close to the end.

Continue reading “Arrival Movie or the story of the corny flying almond”

The Girl on the Train * Or how spying on your ex can work for you!

Well, I think I’m pulling movie nights this week in a desperate attempt to feel like I’m paying for something (ie my Cineworld unlimited subscription). Seen Storks the day before yesterday and seen “The Girl on the Train” yesterday night. Based on the book with the same name which I haven’t read so far due to the hype (we all know about the Fifty Shades of Grey Hype – just because people are talking about it, it does not mean it’s any good). The movie blew my mind!

I haven’t seen Emily Blunt perform so well ever since The Edge of Tomorrow and I really hope she gets nominated or something (the Oscars are shitty but I hope she gets a Globe)

0108656800-ew-1429-train Continue reading “The Girl on the Train * Or how spying on your ex can work for you!”

Cuteness overload in Storks!

I saw the new “Storks” last night and I must say, the animator that did the water and the ice and all the rain scenes must get a raise! It looked so real! And technically, all the emotions portrayed in the movie were genuine and I kinda cried in parts!

Storks story

Traditionally, storks have been associated with baby deliveries but in order to increase profits and avoid embarrassing errors, storks are now a goods delivery company.
thumbnail_24123When a little boy makes a wish for a baby brother who is a ninja so he will have someone to play with in his parent’s absence (they were working all the time), his letter gets delivered to Tulip from the storks company and she puts it in the wrong bin, making a baby appear!
Junior, the company’s top delivery stork, is now in hot water when this baby appears as it would mean trouble for his promised promotion. Desperate to deliver this bundle of trouble, Junior and his friend Tulip, the only human on Stork Mountain, race against time to make their first baby drop before the boss finds out.

Funny bits

The pigeon ass who gets them found out reminded me so much of the disabled South Park kid called Nathan!

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There is a wolf pack in the movie who decides to eat the baby but because of its cuteness, they end up fussing over him and licking him 🙂STORKS

mqdefaultI was laughing away at this point! The cute part is, the wolves, they transform into these man-made structures like a bridge, a submarine (that breathes collectively) and a car(!) equipped with seat-belts. The only thing that failed was an airplane as the only wolf spinning his tail as a propella could not keep everyone afloat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNM2Q2cQdkY

The emotional bits

Well, I cried in most parts (I must be nuts) – when the little kid wanted attention from his ma & pa and uses well known quotes to get their attention (“he was just a baby a blink ago”), when the kid had to dismantle what him and his parents built for the stork, the orphan Tulip re-union with her lost ginger family (all sporting the same hair).
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I even cried when they put the baby machine in overdrive and responded to millions of letters asking for a baby, which then made the storks throw away their business suits and return to roots.

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I even loved it when Junior (the stork) decides what to do as the new boss of the company and abandons that toothy laugh that made his boss look like a tit more than a stork (google it, a tit is a bird).

Hunter: Junior, you know why I built my office entirely out of glass even though birds can’t see glass?
Junior: I do not.
[birds fly smack into the glass]
Hunter: Power move!

Outtakes