Un Couteau Dans Le Coeur

I watched a movie this weekend – French, 2018 – about a serial killer that would target Gay people who appeared in cheap pornos. Badly acted, filled with absolutely forgettable characters (both the actual movie and the movie within the movie), it did offer one good insight.

When the leading lady fails to seduce the film editor, Lois, she screams at her from the top of her badly-acted voice, that she loves her and has done so for quite some many years.

I’ve loved you this hard for 10 years.
I never thought I could love this hard, this long.
This love is too much for me.
It’s too powerful.
I’m terrified of losing you. It’s driving me insane!
You can’t refuse a love like this.
It’s criminal.
You must love me.
Love me.
Love me, love me!

So I started thinking. Why do some people think they’re entitled to another person’s love and affection just because they think it’s deserved? Love goes both ways, so does attraction, and when one side is coming on too strong, you have psychopathic behaviour forming. Stalking. Love bombing. Manipulation and threats from either harming someone else or their own self.

Yes, it’s painful if you’re the one who’s actually loving. Yes, it’s frustrating. But take it from the other side’s point of view. It’s not their fault if they don’t reciprocate the feelings. It’s hard – but you have to move on. Find things to do with your family and friends. Block them – out of sight, out of mind. Don’t push it or they will pull away.

“Love is something which should find you, instead of you searching for it.” The more you search, the more it gets delayed.

Rejection is never easy but knowing how to limit the psychological damage it inflicts, and how to rebuild your self-esteem when it happens, will help you recover sooner and move on with confidence when it is time for your next date or social event.

Unfortunately, the greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Indeed, our natural response to being dumped by a dating partner or getting picked last for a team is not just to lick our wounds but to become intensely self-critical. We call ourselves names, lament our shortcomings, and feel disgusted with ourselves. In other words, just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further. Doing so is emotionally unhealthy and psychologically self-destructive yet every single one of us has done it at one time or another.

When scientists placed people in functional MRI machines and asked them to recall a recent rejection, they discovered something amazing. The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That’s why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.

What do you think? Ever loved or been loved and not have your feelings reciprocated?

Judah – BoJack Horseman – sings for Princess Carolyn

Guess who’s hooked on the new season of BoJack Horseman? While I think I’ll make a later post discussing the views of “toxic masculinity” and “Hollywood media accusing established actors for past transgressions” another time, there was a scene in the new season which absolutely blew me out of the water. One of my role-models (Lovely Efficient Judah) sings for one of my other role-models (super-efficient and ambitious Princess Carolyn) and confesses his feelings in a very unconventional manner. I was 🙂 and could not believe it was happening. They should make an amazing match.

Here I am rooting for the love of two fictional characters again!

Continue reading “Judah – BoJack Horseman – sings for Princess Carolyn”

Love Song – Poem by Rainer Maria Rilke

How can I keep my soul in me, so that
it doesn’t touch your soul? How can I raise
it high enough, past you, to other things?
I would like to shelter it, among remote
lost objects, in some dark and silent place
that doesn’t resonate when your depths resound.
Yet everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin’s bow,
which draws *one* voice out of two separate strings.
Upon what instrument are we two spanned?
And what musician holds us in his hand?
Oh sweetest song.

Rainer Maria Rilke

De ce nu-mi vii? … Mihai Eminescu

It’s that time of the year again when I pick one lovely poem from Eminescu (well known Romanian poet) and this year, I’ve chosen a ballad of love and yearning where the man is desperately waiting for his lover to come to him. Some finer points lost in translation are the use of the possessive “mi” in “nu-mi vii?” meaning that the longing is so hard that even the question asked is about himself. Why don’t you come to me? Continue reading “De ce nu-mi vii? … Mihai Eminescu”

Most Romantic Scenes from La Boheme

I went to see La Boheme (Puccini) sung at the Sydney Opera and I was absolutely in awe of the voices and of some of the really cute and cheesy romantic dialogue. The opera follows two couples as they get together and fall apart in the turn of the century Paris. They struggle with poverty, living from one paycheck to the other – the true artists and writers that made Paris the location of enlightenment and new and revolutionary ideas.

https_%2F%2Fmedia.timeout.com%2Fimages%2F103483479%2F630%2F472%2Fimage.jpgThey were so poor they had to burn the theatre play in three acts that Rodolfo was writing so that they could just be slightly warmer. Rodolfo’s life changes when his crush, his neighbour Mimi, comes by and asks for a light for her cigarette. Little did he know that Mimi also had a crush on him 🙂

Continue reading “Most Romantic Scenes from La Boheme”

Foo Fighters * The Pretender Lyrics

Sometimes you get this song stuck in your head. Earworms can be maddening—those songs that get stuck, playing over and over in your head.

When we listen to a song, it triggers a part of the brain called the auditory cortex. Researchers at Dartmouth University found that when they played part of a familiar song to research subjects, the participants’ auditory cortex automatically filled in the rest — in other words, their brains kept “singing” long after the song had ended. The only way to “scratch” brain itch is to repeat the song over and over in your mind. Unfortunately, like with mosquito bites, the more you scratch the more you itch, and so on until you’re stuck in an unending song cycle.

There are many other theories about why songs get stuck in our heads. Some researchers say stuck songs are like thoughts we’re trying to suppress. The harder we try not to think about them, the more we can’t help it. Other experts claim that earworms are simply a way to keep the brain busy when it’s idling. Just as there are many theories, there are many names for the phenomenon. It’s been called everything from “repetunitis” to “melodymania.”

This one is stuck with me right now 🙂

Even though the song was widely associated with political unrest and issues with the government, I think it’s also a great love song.
And since Valentine’s day is coming, I can tell you why: it’s a story about not being a conquest, about not giving in under the pressure and not doing what’s “expected” of you.
It’s about holding out for one true love and for the guy that is brave enough to come and fight for it. Be the great apple at the top of the tree. But hey, that’s just me.
Continue reading “Foo Fighters * The Pretender Lyrics”

Why does Kylo Ren killing Han scene sound like a love scene?

I recently re-watched Star Wars Ep 7 the Force Awakens and I started laughing in the worst moment. When Kylo Ren was ready to kill his father, this emotional moment, this epic scene struck me as coming out of a romance movie! Read this again 🙂 but slowly.

Source of script: http://www.galactic-voyage.com/Star%20Wars-The%20Force%20Awakens-Final%20Script.pdf

HAN: Ben!
KYLO REN: Han Solo. I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.

HAN: Take off that mask. You don’t need it.
KYLO REN: What do you think you’ll see if I do?
HAN: The face of my son.
[…]

NEAFrwWaq3ChDH_2_b.jpg

KYLO REN: It’s too late.
HAN: No it’s not. Leave here with me. […]
KYLO REN: I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do,  but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?
HAN: Yes. Anything.
Kylo Ren unholsters his lightsaber and SLOWLY EXTENDS IT to Han, within a foot of Han’s chest. Han almost can’t believe it. The moment seems to last forever.

Kylo-Ren-kills-Han-Solo-829314.jpg

 

Why I won’t get married

I’ll be turning 34 in a couple of months and I am faced with the same problems I had at 30. I knew back Then I would not get hitched and carry someone’s name.

I’m still single and I’m actually loving it.
I wake up when I want, I go to bed when I want. I flirt with guys I don’t call back afterwards. But some people might argue that being single is like being a ship lost in the sea, floating where the breeze takes you. And I would tell them it’s more like a ship anchored to a beautiful island. I’m happy alone, happy with company but ultimately free to do what I please.

 

I remember when I just started dating again after my massive ex break up, I was desperate enough to just talk to anyone that would talk to me… I met a guy that came with this massive sob story which he sent to me in an email – it was so big he had to send two emails – and instead of showing sympathy and crying for his sake I asked: “what made her leave?”
Every story has two parts and hearing just one side is unfair.
So even though I was single and desperate, I risked speaking my mind as my brain would not be spoon-fed other people’s lies (anymore). Needless to say, he stopped talking to me (after swearing a bit about my being a terrible person for questioning his version of the truth).

Dating is not like religion. Belief without proof. So every guy I meet I research beforehand. This should probably be normal in today’s online dating scene. People tend to paint themselves in the most flattering light and it’s this light that attracts me. The problem comes afterwards when the shine dissipates and reveals the true person. This is when my excitement drops. So.. I don’t last more than 1.5 dates before I call it quits. The guy needs to be freaking special for me to continue seeing him.

Psychology today – more about online dating

I am a rooted person. I am confident in my self, my abilities, my future. I no longer hesitate, unsure of how to be. I know myself best and this self knowledge is what sometimes puts people off..

I’ll give you an example: dated a guy who wouldn’t have an opinion. What movie yo watch, what food to eat, what to do at the weekend. I dumped him and he seemed surprised, like really surprised. When I told him that he’ll be fine without me and he will definitely find someone better suited to his personality (my very pleasant way of saying that I didn’t like him), he retorted: You’re going to be fine afterwards, aren’t you. You’re calm now and won’t suffer like I will. What will I do now this weekend?

I was calm and for a moment I thought that I was displaying sociopathic tendencies as I felt absolutely no qualms about the breakup. Same emotional involvement as ordering pizza.

I got a bit scared so I went home and started thinking of all my breakups. At least the ones I had initiated – all were clean. Ripping a bandage to let the wound heal. And I realised why I had no feeling… It was because I was no longer looking for a person to complete me, I was already complete. I was looking for a challenge, someone worthy.

Ok, maybe not him…

So I upped my game. Dated a university teacher until I realised he didn’t know what he wanted to be when he grew up and had been a cook until two years ago… And he was still worried about what others thought about him… (For example he said he took some drugs when he was younger, I was reading at the time so I didn’t reply and he sent me this long message about how sorry he was And I shouldn’t hate him. Bare in mind at this point we hadn’t actually met. He was pouring his soul out to a stranger and then awaiting either forgiveness or confirmation or his behaviour- both not acceptable demands from a potential date. What if he took drugs again? Would you forgive his addiction because you forgave it before? Or would you play it cool and say it’s no biggie?)

Dated an aerospace engineer until I realised his spelling was atrocious and he liked to objectify women to feel more like a man (some deep seated insecurity in there). (One nice example I received during my work hours: “I can’t stop thinking about you’re sexy but”. I wanted to reply:”but… But what?”

Dated a marketing specialist until I found out (by mistake) that he was on below minimum wage with no ambitious bone in his body… I like my man to be like that Cypress Hill song lyric:what’s your number

She said I want a man with a plan and ambition
Not an immature nigga on a “pussy-hit mission”
I’m too good for that I have so much to offer
Got a good job working at my mom and dad’s law firm
You got goals, that’s what she asked
Yeah I wanna fill my home with platinum plaques

Dated a Portuguese mechanical engineer that swore he could not be without me and that circumstances kept him away from me for more than 6 months now with no effort on his side to attempt a visit.

I did like the last one a bit.. but I realised that he wasn’t a go-getter, he was more of a hand-me-down type of man. He wanted a good job with good benefits and a good wage but he didn’t look for one. I suggested a few sites where he could browse but he never looked at them. He took the first job that one of his mates found for him. He whined that he wanted to see me but only between 9 pm and 3am (thankfully my phone has Silent Hours) but he never got on a plane for a weekend away. So yeah, all talk no walk.

So, I’m single now. Happy so and looking forward to my 40’s when I will become a cat lady. 😂

“It’s sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew”

This is a Deep and Profound message …
Let’s focus on being Alive … and cherish all the little things…
And all that we take for granted … ♥ 

 

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

― Anne Lamott