Posts Tagged: joke

If you’re feeling sad today!

You hear the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water? No? Well, well, well. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems. Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A barber. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing,… Read more »

Short Jokes about Rabbits

How do you make a rabbit stew? Keep it waiting. How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she’s running out of the woods. How is a rabbit like a plum? They’re both purple, except for the rabbit. Lara Rabbit: Do you think that’s Sophie’s natural color? Zara Rabbit: Only her… Read more »

The Air-plane Pilot * Joke

A Jumbojet was coming into London Heathrow after a long-haul trip from Singapore and the captain opened the intercom and said ‘Ladies and gentlemen we are now making our final approach into Heathrow, we hope you’ve enjoyed flying with RarelyCrash Airways and that we’ll see you again soon, please have a safe onward journey’ at… Read more »

Loads and loads of terrible Star Wars Jokes

Q: Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? A: So it doesn’t Hang Solow! Q: What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? A: Adobe Wan Kenobi Q: What do you call a Mexican jedi? A: Obi-Juan Kenobi Q: What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out… Read more »

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God will provide * Joke

A young woman brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man. “I am a Torah scholar,” he replies. “A… Read more »

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The cowboy and the Indians * Joke

A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them. The Chief comes up to him… Read more »

20 Things to do before you die

20 Things to do Before You Die… 1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout “OH MY GOD, I’M HIDEOUS!” 2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say ‘we’ve been expecting you.’ 3) Walk… Read more »

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Oldest Joke in the World

According to Paul McDonald at the University of Wolverhampton, it’s this 3900-year-old one, from 1900BC in Sumeria: Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap. (I don’t get it either!) The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of… Read more »

A martian couple visits Earth * Joke

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. “Just how do you guys do it?” asked the Earthling. “Pretty much the way you do,” responded the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the… Read more »