You know you’re old, when your mind and body aren’t what they used to be. Did the fine print shrink? (This is called bifocals denial.) Do your knees buckle, but your belt won’t? Have your beauty marks sprouted hair? Does the gleam in your eyes comes from the sun hitting your bifocals? Do your joints… Read more »
“Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees..” “But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?” “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?”
Q. Is there a Fourth of July in England? A. Yes, it comes after the third of July! Q. How many birthdays does the average man have? A. 1 Just one!
Who ever knew there were jokes about ants. Where do ants go to eat ? At a restaurant ! What do you call an ant from overseas ? Impartant What kind of ants are very learned ? Pedants ! Who was the most famous ant scientist ? Albert Antstein ! What is even bigger than… Read more »
How To Wash The Cat 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water. 3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so… Read more »
This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town and says, “Where’s the god damn, mother fucking Manager you cock sucking arse wipe.” The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, “Excuse me, sir, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as… Read more »
I won’t laugh, said the nurse. “I’m a professional. In over 15 years of working here, I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “Okay, then,” Said Randy, and he proceeded to drop his pants revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width, it was almost identical to a AA battery…. Read more »
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?” “Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one… Read more »
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom.
Wife : “I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars. “Husband : “How about the ones like mine? “Wife : “Those they gave away. “Husband : “I had a dream too…I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went… Read more »