So it’s not only Mr. Vader who has the ability to chop things off. I do too. I’ve entered a stage where I’ve had to re-evaluate a lot of things in my life and prune off the branches that will not bear fruit. To deconstruct the dead flower until I find the rotten bits and throw them away.
I’ll be turning 34 in a couple of months and I am faced with the same problems I had at 30. I knew back Then I would not get hitched and carry someone’s name.
I’m still single and I’m actually loving it.
I wake up when I want, I go to bed when I want. I flirt with guys I don’t call back afterwards. But some people might argue that being single is like being a ship lost in the sea, floating where the breeze takes you. And I would tell them it’s more like a ship anchored to a beautiful island. I’m happy alone, happy with company but ultimately free to do what I please.
I remember when I just started dating again after my massive ex break up, I was desperate enough to just talk to anyone that would talk to me… I met a guy that came with this massive sob story which he sent to me in an email – it was so big he had to send two emails – and instead of showing sympathy and crying for his sake I asked: “what made her leave?”
Every story has two parts and hearing just one side is unfair.
So even though I was single and desperate, I risked speaking my mind as my brain would not be spoon-fed other people’s lies (anymore). Needless to say, he stopped talking to me (after swearing a bit about my being a terrible person for questioning his version of the truth).
Dating is not like religion. Belief without proof. So every guy I meet I research beforehand. This should probably be normal in today’s online dating scene. People tend to paint themselves in the most flattering light and it’s this light that attracts me. The problem comes afterwards when the shine dissipates and reveals the true person. This is when my excitement drops. So.. I don’t last more than 1.5 dates before I call it quits. The guy needs to be freaking special for me to continue seeing him.
I am a rooted person. I am confident in my self, my abilities, my future. I no longer hesitate, unsure of how to be. I know myself best and this self knowledge is what sometimes puts people off..
I’ll give you an example: dated a guy who wouldn’t have an opinion. What movie yo watch, what food to eat, what to do at the weekend. I dumped him and he seemed surprised, like really surprised. When I told him that he’ll be fine without me and he will definitely find someone better suited to his personality (my very pleasant way of saying that I didn’t like him), he retorted: You’re going to be fine afterwards, aren’t you. You’re calm now and won’t suffer like I will. What will I do now this weekend?
I was calm and for a moment I thought that I was displaying sociopathic tendencies as I felt absolutely no qualms about the breakup. Same emotional involvement as ordering pizza.
I got a bit scared so I went home and started thinking of all my breakups. At least the ones I had initiated – all were clean. Ripping a bandage to let the wound heal. And I realised why I had no feeling… It was because I was no longer looking for a person to complete me, I was already complete. I was looking for a challenge, someone worthy.
Ok, maybe not him…
So I upped my game. Dated a university teacher until I realised he didn’t know what he wanted to be when he grew up and had been a cook until two years ago… And he was still worried about what others thought about him… (For example he said he took some drugs when he was younger, I was reading at the time so I didn’t reply and he sent me this long message about how sorry he was And I shouldn’t hate him. Bare in mind at this point we hadn’t actually met. He was pouring his soul out to a stranger and then awaiting either forgiveness or confirmation or his behaviour- both not acceptable demands from a potential date. What if he took drugs again? Would you forgive his addiction because you forgave it before? Or would you play it cool and say it’s no biggie?)
Dated an aerospace engineer until I realised his spelling was atrocious and he liked to objectify women to feel more like a man (some deep seated insecurity in there). (One nice example I received during my work hours: “I can’t stop thinking about you’re sexy but”. I wanted to reply:”but… But what?”
Dated a marketing specialist until I found out (by mistake) that he was on below minimum wage with no ambitious bone in his body… I like my man to be like that Cypress Hill song lyric:what’s your number
She said I want a man with a plan and ambition
Not an immature nigga on a “pussy-hit mission”
I’m too good for that I have so much to offer
Got a good job working at my mom and dad’s law firm
You got goals, that’s what she asked
Yeah I wanna fill my home with platinum plaques
Dated a Portuguese mechanical engineer that swore he could not be without me and that circumstances kept him away from me for more than 6 months now with no effort on his side to attempt a visit.
I did like the last one a bit.. but I realised that he wasn’t a go-getter, he was more of a hand-me-down type of man. He wanted a good job with good benefits and a good wage but he didn’t look for one. I suggested a few sites where he could browse but he never looked at them. He took the first job that one of his mates found for him. He whined that he wanted to see me but only between 9 pm and 3am (thankfully my phone has Silent Hours) but he never got on a plane for a weekend away. So yeah, all talk no walk.
So, I’m single now. Happy so and looking forward to my 40’s when I will become a cat lady. 😂
We want what we take to just be the simple stupidity of all the other people we’re not like at all, we want to freeze happiness, to make nice things permanent. Continue reading “What we want and what we don’t get”
Thank you A Single Parents Life ! I have been watching you and you have been watching me! I gladly accept the award and nominate a few other people :))
What is a Mystery Blogger Award?
“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve any recognition they get. The award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.
There are a lot of sayings about idiots and stupidity. They are saying never to mess with one as they will beat you down with experience.
Or that stupidity has no boundaries – as opposed to intelligence. So the question arises: how do you spot the stupid ones? I made a list. It can be improved with your ideas (if you have any) and feel free to add to it so that we may better define them. Here, the examples are for a “he” but I invite the gentlemen to join in and tell me how can they spot a stupid woman.
Ok, I’m pretty good when it comes picking up guys I like. I don’t even have to do much. I talk and people seem to come around me and ever since I arrived in Tobago, I found this gorgeous looking guy from Denmark and I started the internal drool process.
So I found the most essential three things about him. He’s not gay. He’s single. He’s 28.
And I managed to make a fool of myself in one session.
Unless you have been living in a cave for the last few days, you would have heard about the scandal surrounding the strangling scene in X-Men Apocalypse. I went and saw the movie and I think it was awesome! There is no thought of inequality when watching mutants of all gender and ages fight to defeat the big boss.
A crazy chick saw something else. A belittling of a woman, a man performing his dominating side and strangling a poor and helpless woman. Women Unite!
‘There is a major problem when the men and women at 20th Century Fox think casual violence against women is the way to market a film,’ says actor Rose McGowan.
Got great news! After being single for what seems to be an eternity and refusing to lower my standards, I have finally met someone!
It is tough, it is very tough to get to like someone. I have tried sites like e-Harmony (but refused to pay for the expensive service) and after literally going on blind dates (they don’t show you the profile pics if you are not paying), I decided to give it a miss. The dates I picked on personality were totally lacking in the physical department! And while I tried to fool myself into thinking that personality means more than looks, I could not imagine sharing a bed with any of the men I met.
The sweet and caring people at Channel4 have recently aired (and keep on airing to their shame) a show that not only shows a few stereotypes as the general outlook of an entire nation, but are also encouraging dissensions among legal immigrants in the United Kingdom and Brits. I’m a Romanian, I am working in Northampton as a specialist (Software System Development), I have a phD in Computer Science and I have been feeling personally insulted by the show.
Why? Why take it on a personal level? Because the second day after the show aired I was welcomed at work with funny stares and questions about the country where I come from… As the saying goes, if it is in the newspaper or it’s on the telly, it must be true: That Romanians are thieves and rapists and tax “vacationists”.
I was short of losing my temper – we are nothing like the show depicted us. While they promised to look at Romanians from all levels and I was expecting a bit of “scum” to pass through the show’s documentary approach, I was appaled by the low quality of the script, the unflattering characters found to play and I can’t help but think that their add to star on the show was:
“We are looking for Romanian Thieves. We will pay you to appear on the show and tell us how bad you are. We will also make you tell us about every scam you made so you can be proud of yourself on national tv. No higher education necessary.”
Well – 2.5% of a population of Romanians that have their own ethnicity & customs and are refusing to integrate in the home country do not make 100% of the Romanian population who are (mostly) well adjusted adults, striving for higher education, working in high-skilled professions who love their children and respect their elders. We have Silicon Valley Transylvania – a group of Microsoft (and not only) specialized software developers, we outsource some of the greatest engineering brains Europe has to offer, we have great cities with massive universities. And we have access to free education and free healthcare. We know an average of 2.5 languages per person. We learn English as a second language since primary school and we also love French and German. My cousins both speak English, German, Greek and can read Latin. I can easily hold a conversation in French, German and a bit of Hungarian.
@Channel4 might try to spray our reputation with a pallet of shit, but there is nothing you can say to an individual who shows up to work every day of the year, regardless of colds and other illnesses, who is reliable, efficient and does not shy away from work.
You can’t put an honest man down. You can’t say a chemist, a bank manager or a doctor are less qualified because they come from a different background.
I’m not saying we are perfect. We, as any orchard, have our share of bad apples. But we are not the nation pointing the finger nor did we try to blow up the Channel4 building like some extremists might have done. (Remember #JeSuisCharlie?)
Thank you again @Channel4 for making me raise my voice. And believe me, my outrage is not singular.
And possibly my best friend too. I feel that spring is in the air and my spirits run high. I’m feeling giddy when I think I shall return home to find the guy I want to be with forever and ever waiting there for me.
He loves me, I know it. I see it in the way he smiles at me, the way his usually worried face goes through a metamorphosis (much like a butterfly) and shines bright with happiness. I’m the same. When he’s with me, resting his head in my lap, touching my butt casually as I walk past, running at me full speed from the kitchen to give me a cuddle on the couch. * pardon me, sofa *
He still cooks for two on Sundays and I am loving the care I am getting 🙂
I love him loads and since I found this beautiful love song from Ed Sheeran – I have been listening to it on repeat. Imagining him with me (not Ed, my beloved).
I want to slow dance with him, I want to put my head on his shoulder, feel him as he takes me in his strong arms, bask in the warmth of his gaze, drift slowly into nothingness as nothing really matters when I’m with him.