I’m a Professional Nurse * Joke

I won’t laugh, said the nurse. “I’m a professional. In over 15 years of working here, I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “Okay, then,” Said Randy, and he proceeded to drop his pants revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width, it was almost identical to a AA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to suppress a laugh, but it just came out. Feeling very bad at laughing at the mans part she composed herself as best she could. “I’m very sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me. On my honor, as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?”

“Its swollen,” Randy replied.

She ran out of the room.

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Ancient Chinese Torture * Joke

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard.

“I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

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Today’s collection of dirty jokes (long ones)

Wife : “I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.
“Husband : “How about the ones like mine?
“Wife : “Those they gave away.
“Husband : “I had a dream too…I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand.
“Wife : “And how much for the ones like mine?
“Husband : “That’s where they held the auction.”

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10 funny software puns that will get any developer chuckling (or cringing)

  1. Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
  2. I got fired from my job as a software engineer. I just couldn’t get with the program.
  3. Old programmers never die, they just can’t C as well.
  4. When computer programmers are hungry they take mega-bites.
  5. Old programmers never die .. they just lose their memory.
  6. Technically speaking a programmer’s favorite subject with his boss is usually arrays.
  7. A crazy programmer with a cold is a coughing hacker.
  8. A computer program attached to an electric chair would have to have its execution checked carefully.
  9. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh.
  10. Computer programs for gambling need beta testing.

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