BoJack Horseman on Death (Finale)

It is really, really hard for people to get endings right. It was a running joke in IT Chapter 2 and while the writers think it’s good, the legions of fans will soon come screaming and petitioning for a re-do as it wasn’t well done. Lost, Dexter and more recently Game of Thrones have died a shameful death with lousy written endings.
So you can imagine the pressure the writers from BoJack Horseman were under.

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Movies this Christmas

While I have been a massive Star Wars fan and I have seen the new Star Wars Episode 7, I will not deem it a Christmas movie. It’s been plotted too well to be released this Christmas, the toy stores are full of drones, masks, toys and BB8 robots you can control with your phone. It’s marketing done right. The amount of Lego Star Wars pictures I have been seeing on my Facebook feed was enough to disgust me and make me look for a movie I can call a true XMas movie.

Other people’s favourites include Home Alone, Die Hard, Elf, A Christmas Carol, A nightmare before Christmas, Love Actually and that one with Jim Carrey – The Grinch.

I am a bit non-conventional and I love a good story that talks about love and friendship and family. This is why last year I chose the Hawaiian themed Lilo and Stitch as my Christmas movie and this year, I went with the American adaptation of Hachiko. Having seen Marley and Me, I knew a dog movie would be good. That I would cry. That I will roll around in my tears in the Xmas morning among the discarded wrappers and chocolates.

I was right and I don’t regret a single moment.

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Being a friend or being right

Not friends anymoreI have been oscilating between being extremely angry and being super sad. My best friend decided he does no longer want to speak to me.
Why? It’s simple. I have a yellow bowl with a handle that I love to make my soups in. A few nights ago, I heard a crash from the kitchen, some whispered voices, my name and then silence. In the next morning, I could not find my bowl but I put it down to me having misplaced it somewhere. Coming home to lunch, I’m sitting in the kitchen and I hear the normal ebay ding when your bid is outbid. I look around and I find my friend’s iPod flash to life with a message that “Bid outbid for brown bowl with handle”. It all made sense. He broke it and he wanted to get me a new one before I found out.
Just to make sure, I look around the kitchen opening every cupboard so I don’t spout out shit.
Nope, nowhere to be found.

Smiling, I send him a message saying “Hey, no need to get me another mug, I really hated that old thing! *smile*”
“What are you on about?”
“That cup-mug thing – no need to get me another one”
“I have no idea what you are talking about”
I look at my phone, confused and wonder whether I saw the right thing on the iPod. I go to it and flash it to life and the messages from ebay are there, just over the lock screen.
I huff it away and go back to my daily chores.

Night time, he comes back home, looking drawn from another day at work and starts asking me about what I messaged him about. I avoid the subject as much as I can, but in the end I tell him I saw the ebay bid on his iPod.
He goes like “so you looked on my iPod… you invaded my privacy, you read my messages. That was not for you, it was for a colleague at work, I have no idea where you put your bowl.”
And that was the last time he spoke to me.

I apologized, I told him it was non-intentional and he just walked off.

I thought he’d be angry for a while and then it will pass but no such luck. He held on to his grudge and took it a level further. He started ignoring me completely. We live in the same house, door to door, it would be impossible to stop talking completely… but he did it.
I tried poking him, asking him about work, asking him about dinner – he just went on with whatever he was doing without acknowledging me.

I felt hurt, betrayed and more.. at a loss. I don’t think what I did was so atrocious to warrant a response like this but it was here, and happening.
I thought he was by best friend and best friends don’t fall out overnight like this.
My head hurt, my heart hurt more.

I decided I’m just going to ignore him too. But I can’t – It’s so much in my nature to talk to people that staying silent feels like I am being rude beyond measure. And then it hit me. It wasn’t me who was being rude, it was him. And he did not care about being friends with little old me – maybe he did not want to be friends to start with and did not have a reason to tell me to stay the f..k away. He found one now and he’s holding on to it with ferocity.

So – what I’m going to do – is not wonder why he’s not talking to me and just continue being friends with him. I like him, my feelings can’t just stop because he’s not reciprocated. I’ve never heard of a one-sided friendship but here I am trying to create one.

“Daca voi nu ma vreti, eu va vreau” (famous quote from a book I read growing up – If you do not want me, I do want you – coming in the context that I shall do whatever I want regardless of the other people’s feelings).

Truly egocentric and selfish approach to life, but hell, who am I supposed to please in this life if not myself first?

 

Rude awakening

I had the chance to celebrate my birthday yesterday and by celebrate I mean getting no gifts and hearing loads of excuses how money is tight. I don’t mind, really, birthdays should be about getting together and having some fun.
Mine got destroyed from the beginning. My mother threw a temper tantrum that nobody is paying any attention to her so I tried to pacify her and got her birthday presents in advance (her birthday is in the 15th but I’m not in the country at that time) and then she threw them in my face saying she does not need them or that she already has them (I doubt she already has Inferno by Dan Brown – and he’s her favorite author).
Then she scoffed and huffed until the day is over and I could barely manage to hold on to a smile. My 30th birthday and not a single present. Or birthday card. All the good wishes on Facebook from people that live so far away that meeting them is impossible.

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I flew back to England yesterday morning and I started crying when I walked through the doors of the house I’m currently sharing with two others. They went to the trouble to blow up nearly 200 balloons, baked a cake with roses, put little banners with “Happy 30th” everywhere in the kitchen and around my bedroom door and even got me little bday cards with cats (I looove cats).
I dropped my bag and I think I cried my eyes out for about half an hour. Time is relative when you are mourning the drifting apart from your parents and you realize that people that only know you for less than a year give a shit about you more than your family and life-long friends do.

Once I’ve done my little self-pity cry, I buckled up and went back to being me. I cleaned my room, sat down with a book and waited for my new friends to come home so I can tell them how much I love them.
And I did. I hugged them both and told them how much it meant – what they did for me.
Life is great again.

PS: I don’t think I’ll be going home anytime soon. My home is now here.

True friends and family don’t care what we look like –they love us for who we are

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avantegarde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

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I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 80 &90’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and
compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore.

I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER! FRIENDS FOREVER!

At last (Etta James)

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At last
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Oh yeah yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

And I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Oh yeah yeah, and you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in Heaven
For you are mine at last

 

Oh why oh why I feel like my heart won’t stop beating fast whenever he’s near? Why does my breath hold, my throat clench, my stomach turn into a knot?
Why does my fluttery self feel so good?
Why can’t I move on and forget him?
I love him dearly and every day I imagine how our lives together would look like. How our kids would look like. How it would feel to wake up staring at his sleepy face every day…

I yearn, I want, I desire.

Such a Scorpio way of looking at things but I feel like I need him more now than I did before.

Stupid heart of mine. Stupid mind of mine – ’cause love, as all great things, starts in the mind and it ends in tears.