Things not to say to a cop when you’re pulled over…

I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.

Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

I pay your salary

Talking-to-Police-Officer

Continue reading “Things not to say to a cop when you’re pulled over…”

Let’s be cops – Or how Hollywood ignores the law

I have seen “Let’s be cops” last night and I started cringing really hard at the stuff the guys impersonating cops were doing and how much the other cops let them get away with it without catching on to the fact that they are fake. Now, if I were a civilian being asked to pull over by a cop – I would demand to see his badge and ID and ask him to tell me his badge ID for me (he should know it by heart).

Also, a cop cannot ask you to get out of your vehicle. He can ask you to roll the window down while keeping your hands on the steering wheel, but not to get out. And a cop without a partner can’t do f&*k all – he needs a witness from his own peers in order to do anything… And what really annoyed me – you can’t check out surveillance material from NYPD or LAPD for the matter without a valid badge and a trail of paperwork… And not in a few hours/minutes!

OK – now for what Hollywood forgot to mention (or mentioned briefly)

Charge Did it ever happen in Real Life? Punishment
Cops smoking weed Cops Caught Smoking Weed… Even They Like Weed In NY state possession of 25 grams or less has been de-criminalized. That is to say if you are caught for the first time. The second time you will have to show up in court but it is still a minor offense and you will not go to jail. As the number of times caught the punishment goes up. If you are caught with more than 25 grams or you are smoking in a public place then you will be charged around 250$ and might go to prison.
Impersonating a police officer Manchester Police drop case of protester arrested for impersonating a police officer while wearing a pig mask

To get donuts

Directing traffic

At a funeral

Police Act 1996 s 90 created offences relating to the impersonation of a police officer:

(1) Any person who with intent to deceive impersonates a member of a police force or special constable, or makes any statement or does any act calculated falsely to suggest that he is such a member or constable, shall be guilty of an offence and liable on summary conviction to imprisonment for a term not exceeding six months or to a fine not exceeding level 5 on the standard scale, or to both.

(2) Any person who, not being a constable, wears any article of police uniform in circumstances where it gives him an appearance so nearly resembling that of a member of a police force as to be calculated to deceive shall be guilty of an offence and liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding level 3 on the standard scale.

(3) Any person who, not being a member of a police force or special constable, has in his possession any article of police uniform shall, unless he proves that he obtained possession of that article lawfully and has possession of it for a lawful purpose, be guilty of an offence and liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding level 1 on the standard scale.

Add more if you know any!!

Show him your badge!! Joke

A police officer in Penticton stops at a local ranch.
He talks with an old rancher, and tells him.” I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs”.
The rancher says, ” OKay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he is pointing out the location.

The police officer verbally explodes saying,
” Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me”.
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, and proudly displays it to the rancher.
” See the badge old man? this badge means I am allowed to go on any land … have I made myself clear”.

The rancher apologizes, nods and goes about his chores.

A short time later the old rancher hears loud screaming,
looks up and sees the police officer running in front of the farmers Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the officer makes the bull gains two, only seconds before the bull reaches him.
The rancher drops his tools and stands up and yells.

Your badge, Show him your badge!”

Photographer captures the moment a crazed bull charges at helpless farmer
Photographer captures the moment a crazed bull charges at helpless farmer
http://www.ghananation.com/news/world/30273-photographer-captures-the-moment-a-crazed-bull-charges-at-helpless-farmer.html

I hid the body, now what? Prank does have results…

So I saw this a while back on 9GAG and was surprised to see how many people actually were bored…

bng141

– 4 reports in Fort Worth in 4 Weeks in 2012 – http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/03/22/3829820/hid-the-body-text-prank-may-lead.html

– 1 report in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada in 2012 – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2118439/I-hid-body–Prank-text-human-remains-sees-womans-house-surrounded-police.html

– 1 report in Texas, Arkansas, US – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/14/arkansas-teen-texts-prank_0_n_1346262.html

These were the only reported ones ….

Either police caught on it was a prank, or the reporters stopped thinking it was funny.

I still do 🙂

 

Anyone remember the 2002 game called RoadRash?

I used to spend hours playing this game! I got real good too! I nearly thought I could become a motorbike racer when I grew up but whoops, I realized I was already grown up so no go!

For those who want to give it a go, you can download it for free from this link:
http://www.fullypcgames.net/2013/04/road-rash-2002-game.html

Graphics and fun stuff below: (PS – I actually did all the levels!)

Cop Jokes

The Suspect

There was an exam at the Police to elect a new lieutenant. So, they bring each of the interviewees and show them a profile picture of the suspect.

“What can you tell us about this man?” asks the commission.
The first cop responds:
“Well… he only has one ear.”
They throw him out and bring the next one in.
The second cop says: “I think he has bad hearing, ’cause he only has one ear”. He’s also thrown out.
The third cop says: “He wears contact lenses”.
The commission is baffled, review the facts and say that indeed, the man was wearing contacts. Asking him how he deducted this fact so marvellously, he replies:
“Well, he can’t be wearing glasses because he only has one ear!”

The Light

There was another exam at the Police and this time the examiner turns off the light in the room and asks all the cops gathered there to tell him where the light went. They start thinking really hard but they can’t come up with a solution so they asked the inspector to give them one more day to think it over. The inspector agrees and the second day, most of the cops still haven’t found a solution, all except one.
“I know where the light went”
“How did you find out?”
“I went home and repeated the experiment. I turned off the light and then went off looking for it throughout the house. I looked in the bedroom, in the bathroom, in the kitchen and when I opened the fridge I found it hidden there!”

The Puzzle

A cop goes to the Guiness World Records and asks to be entered in the book of records.
“What record did you break?”
“I finished a puzzle. On the box it said between 3 and 6 years and I’ve finished it in just two!”

The Helicopter

Two cops in a helicopter are looking at the spinning blade.
“Hey, what do you think that is?”
“I think it’s the air conditioner. Ever since it stopped spinning, the pilot is sweating like mad!”

Questions

From 100 cops, who pees the furthest?
The one with the fly open.

What does a cop say when he sees a banana peel on the street?
Dammit! I’m gonna break my leg again!

Why don’t cops wear shoes with laces?
They took an awfully long time to tie them.

Why do cops sit with their face pointing North?
So they have muscles growing on them.

How can you burn the ear of a cop?
You call him when he’s ironing his laundry.
How come he has both ears burned off the next day?
He had to call for a doctor.

Why do cops have an empty glass and a full glass of water on the nightstand?
If they wake up in the middle of the night, maybe they’re thirsty, maybe not.

What’s the difference between a cop and a tray of shit?
The tray.

Why do two cops riding a motorcycle get into a fight for?
Because they can’t agree on who gets the window seat.

Why do traffic cops wear elbow length gloves?
So they know where to bend the arm.

Crazy Woman

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘ I clocked you at 80miles per hour, sir.’ The driver says, ‘Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’ Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’ As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,’Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?’ The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your radar detectorwent off when it did.’ As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘for petesake, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’ The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’ The driver says, ‘Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’
The wife says, ‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’ And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, ‘WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’ The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?’
 
I love this part………… 
 
‘Only when he’s been drinking.’

Never Argue with a Woman.

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book..

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,’ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’)
‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.
‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.’
‘Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’
‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,’ says the woman.
‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the Game Warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.’
‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It’s likely she can also think