Congratulations! You have purchased an Anthrax 2000 Multimedia Personal Computer with Digital Doo-Dah Enhancer. It will give many years of faithful service, if you ever get it up and running. Also included with your PC is a special bonus pack of free pre-installed software:- ‘Lawn Mowing Planner’, ‘Blank Screen Saver’, ‘East Africa Route Finder’ and… Read more »
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood. You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
How To Wash The Cat 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water. 3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so… Read more »
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this? Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
“I’M GOING FISHING” Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “IT’S A GUY THING” Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”…. Read more »
I only had one officer Mr. Keg.. Back off Barney, I’ve got a piece. Want to race to the station, Sparky? I know I was weaving, but I can’t find the Honeycomb Hideout! On the way to the station let’s get a twelve pack. You’ll never get those cuffs on me…You Pussy! Come on write… Read more »
1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. 2. CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have… Read more »
When you hear these comments don’t assume their positive sound is all they intend to be. Backhanded comments really are a kicker. “That dress is lovely; it does wonders for your figure.” “You’re smarter than you look.” “You drive very well, for a woman.”
Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High”. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises. 2.After confirming everyone’s names on the roll, thank the class for attending “Advanced Astrodynamics 690” and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop. 3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream “MY PACEMAKER!” 4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet… Read more »