Posts Categorized: Funny People

Funny Writing Techniques for any aspiring author

Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.) Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Contractions aren’t necessary. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. One should never generalize…. Read more »

37 Perks of being a man

1. Your backside is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair. 7. Car mechanics tell you… Read more »

Signs that you are too drunk * Funny

* You lose arguments with inanimate objects. * You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. * Job interfering with your drinking. * Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. * Career won’t progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts. * The back of your head keeps getting… Read more »

You’re Old When * Joke

You know you’re old, when your mind and body aren’t what they used to be. Did the fine print shrink? (This is called bifocals denial.) Do your knees buckle, but your belt won’t? Have your beauty marks sprouted hair? Does the gleam in your eyes comes from the sun hitting your bifocals? Do your joints… Read more »

Jokes you don’t want to crack to a stewardess

“Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees..” “But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?” “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?”

Lifetime & Retirement Jokes

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What is that, a bonus? I think the cycle is all backwards. You should die first. Get it out of the… Read more »

Ant Jokes * Clean Children Humour

Who ever knew there were jokes about ants. Where do ants go to eat ? At a restaurant ! What do you call an ant from overseas ? Impartant What kind of ants are very learned ? Pedants ! Who was the most famous ant scientist ? Albert Antstein ! What is even bigger than… Read more »

A list of what the college year books don’t tell you.

Quarters are like gold. Be creative in the dining hall. Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben & Jerry’s, Ho-Hos and Oreos Make sure your alarm… Read more »