“I believe God gave us our sex organs to bond us together in pleasure within our marriage. And through this incredible pleasure, to keep us faithful to each other …” – Naura Hayden, author of HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME… and have her beg for more!
This is a subject hedged about with taboos. I take it as read that whenever human beings have a serious problem with something they either brush it under the carpet. make it a crime, or have their gods legislate against it. Sex comes into this category of human activities with a vengeance.
Look at it like this, does sex matter, of course it does. Yet how come the only “lessons” we get as young men becoming sexually awake are anecdotes in the school playground. the mythology of conquests and improbable sexual feats from our peers and technical rudiments (if you’re lucky) from, usually, reluctant (and possibly inept) parents? It’s nut, but it’s true.
Sex matters more than most individuals will admit. Great sex is transcending, mind-bendingly Satisfying experience for both players. However, most men
suffer from a severe handicap; we are easily aroused, too easily pleased. In a word, we are inclined to come too quickly to satisfy our lovers.
A fit young man can probably jack off in a matter of seconds; women rarely reach a worthwhile orgasm in under a quarter of an hour or so.
This is not a hard and fast rule (and isn’t every word or phrase a double entendre when you’re writing about sex!), and we all know instances where a back seat of the car bonk has had a women as quickly aroused and sated as you were. But “planned” bedroom intercourse is rarely so straight forward.
In spite of our “problem” – and notwithstanding what feminists say – even these days it’s usually up to the man to orchestrate lovemaking to a successful conclusion – for both parties.
Now I’m not a doctor, a psychologist or any other kind of sexologist or therapist, but a writer who has been around the block a few times, probably read more than most people on this topic and completed numerous, dedicated “field studies”.
I recall one long session with what I took to be a slow-starter, rather than a frigid partner, trying patiently to bring her to a enchantingly good orgasm. Since I was in my late thirties and already suffering from a poor “recovery rate”, the challenge was to achieve this grand climax – particularly hers – with just one erection!
I wouldn’t say I was broom handle hard all the time, but I kept going for three hours, and I still couldn’t bring her off to my satisfaction, though she seemed pleased enough.
These methods of making sex last longer are just that; they’ll help you sustain an erection which will help your lover reach fulfillment, but there are no guarantees that the latter will happen. That, as they say, is a different ball game.Ironically, “keeping it up” without coming is not a problem that goes away as you get older. The older a man gets, the worse the problem can become, not least because his “recovery” time is so much longer.
In other words, if he doesn’t get it right first time, his partner may have to wait for penile satisfaction until the next session. This could mean later in the day, the next day, after a sleep or a meal, or whatever it takes to bring his dick to attention again! But that’s enough history and theory. Time for some action!
The various techniques for slowing a man down and delaying ejaculation, fall, it seems to me into the following categories.
- Start later, associated with which is the “tease” technique and the use of artificial stimulation to excite the woman.
- Squeeze technique and use of pressure points to diminish excitement.
- Mental distraction.
Let’s start with Point 3, which I take to be the least effective, though probably the best known method. Most pundits advise counting (rather like counting sheep in order to fall asleep) or listing; in other words forcing yourself to run through a topic – perhaps the names of players in your favorite football team, or your relatives’ birthdays – that is inane and has no sexual content and will therefore switch you off and stop you coming. It’s hard work, has a high failure rate. but worst of all, you feel daft doing it!
Point 1, starting later and teasing, is much more interesting. I suppose men have a tendency to rush headlong in because that is the nature of the beast. I remember saying to my ex-wife, who was sitting on top of me at the time, that she wasn’t to worry that I’d just come after only about two minutes of grinding, because I’d be back up again in a minute, and sure enough, being just 22 years old, I was. But session two was an action replay of session one, and so it went on, me to exhaustion, her to exasperation. The marriage lasted eight months!
Ideally, you don’t just want to hold off coming so your woman comes with you, sucking it out of you so to speak. Much, much more satisfying is being able to “ride” a woman so you stay hard for the next orgasm, or round of orgasms. It isn’t easy, and it will take some practice, but I promise you will enjoy your “studies”!
Start later, then, is my way of saying that one way of curing what the specialists used to call “praecox ejaculation” – coming too soon – is to spend time, much more time, in foreplay.
This could be kissing and caressing… playing with her breasts and genitalia, particular the clitoris or oral sex, bearing in mind that if premature ejaculation is the problem, oral sex of you by her is more likely to aggravate, rather than aid the problem! No, it’s you who need to spend time licking and sucking your lady’s parts.
One other way to drive your partner to distraction, and ever closer to the brink is using “sexual aids”, particularly the dildo. I’ve worked with four sorts of artificial stimulators; the Pifco massager, which clearly should not be used in the wet genital area – as it plugs into mains electricity; a long thin pink doppelganger of a penis, a black telegraph pole of a dildo, each fitted with a small electric motor so they vibrated; and a cucumber.
I think you should throw any prejudices you have against these things out of the window. Of course your girlfriend will laugh, she may even balk at the idea. but they soon enter into the spirit of the thing – or rather the other way round.
What matters is that dildos work, they let you off the hook for a while, and when you do get involved with your own John Thomas, your woman is several steps ahead and eager for a bit of hot flesh and blood – yours. and isn’t that what matters most?
As for the cucumber, that was a bit of “vegetarian sex”, introduced for a giggle. I thought it would turn into a disaster, that we would both fall about laughing. Or that it would be too big and we’d have to stop. But the idea of it, and the ridges on the cucumber proved a real turn on.
The benefits of teasing came to me relatively late in life, after I read “HOW TO SAIISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME”,a quote from which kicked off this article. Author Naura Hayden writes,
“… Slowly, very slowly, work up to her breasts .. But don’t touch her nipples – yet! Create a desire. Make her sweetly suffer with wanting something so badly and not being able to get it when she
wants it … Deliberately don’t touch her nipples for a few minutes. Deliberately tease her. And after a few minutes … just softly take your fingers and hardly touch at all…. the soft tease of your fingers makes her want more. The fact that you’re holding back… creates a divine itch … and the more it itches the more she wants you to satisfy that itch.”
Assuming a hard on, you then direct your attention to her fanny, but keep on with the same tease technique, gently rubbing her clitoris with the tip of your prick, which you hold in your hand –
“you are letting her know what you could do inside her with it, but you’re choosing not to”.
When you do start to insert (by which time your partner should be begging you to do so) you insert just a half inch or so and withdraw. Keep this up for a good while, then go deeper, perhaps an inch, then more, but never all the way in.
Why? Because that rams your body against the clitoris which is where most amateurs start and end. Eventually, using this tease technique a woman will come and if you can hang on in there, she should come more than once, between two and three times according to Hayden. My own best record in an afternoon session of lovemaking is making my lover climax a dozen times and coming three times myself.
The mistake I did make with the tease technique was letting my partner know I was reading the book and in fact sharing the advice with her. It worked well enough, but thereafter there was always a feeling that I’d got to page 13 (or whatever) and it became a bit of a turn off, at least with that partner!
And so we get to Point 2, arguably the most effective technique of all. The more familiar technique involves squeezing, gently, the underside of the penis just below the head or glans. You place your thumb on top of the erect penis, just below the coronal ridge, your forefinger then locates the point where the ridge splits, and you squeeze the shaft just below that point.
Now I find three problems with this technique. One is that you need to have access to your plonker. If it’s inside your woman, bursting to blow, pulling it out and giving it a quick squeeze may not be practical or desirable.
A way round this dilemma is to get the woman to do the cooling off squeezing for you, building it into your lovemaking repertoire. Woman on top may be your best choice here.
The second criticism is that it’s a bit mild as a “stop” technique; it doesn’t, for me at least always work. The third drawback is that you are likely to lose between 10 and 30 per cent of your erection. Far better, and much more effective, is the advice detailed in “THE TAO OF LOVE AND SEX”, The Ancient Chinese Way to Ecstasy. I’ll leave you to locate these books and bone up on the finer points, but the gist of the technique is this.
Having gained a serious quality thumper. and being on the verge of giving it all away. you locate a special pressure point:
“Using the fore and middle fingers of his left hand, he presses at the point between his scrotum and his anus for three to four seconds. At the same time he takes a deep breath.”
You can practice this in the privacy of your own home, alone if you wish.
The Chinese call this the technique of a thousand thrusts. Well, I don’t know about a thousand, but I went through a phase of experimentation with this technique where I didn’t come at all for several sessions, merely engineering a good number of orgasms for my partner.
I ended up feeling like shit, and suggest you take to heart the advice also contained in the book that only older men – they say over 40, 1 say older, but it depends how vigorous you are – should carry their load away with them, so to speak on any continuing basis.
Just as with the coronal ridge pressure technique, you may find a slight loss of erection. It’s a matter of how hard and for how long you press. Trial and error is called for, and again you can practise on your own, before the event, so to speak. Using this Chinese pressure technique you will find that rear entry positions are best, not least because it leaves your hand free to press that vital point between your bum hole and the root of your penis. Rear entry is also, generally, a very exciting position for a man and encourages a feeling of control that is an essential part of good technique.
When I say rear entry I mean “doggie” position, with the woman kneeling, facing away, and the man kneeling between her parted legs; rear entry lying down, like “spoons” is not what is called for here. However, most beds are too soft, too unsupporting for long-lasting controlled love-making in the kneeling doggie style.
I discovered that one of the best ways to handle this problem was to stand facing the side of the bed, and have my partner kneel, facing away from me, on the edge of the bed. I could then use one hand to stimulate her clitoris, and the other hand I placed on her neck or the curve of her waist, to rhythmically “rock” her body against my erection. It’s a “hydraulic” effect that can be as fast or slow as you both please, as she comes.
Having your feet planted firmly on the floor gives you a great feeling of control, and feeling herself being taken slowly ecstatically out of control is a great turn-on to a woman. There are just two provisos; you need to get the relative heights right for proper entry and movement – you might have to stand on a stool, or have your partner kneel on a folded duvet or whatever. Also a bed with too springy edges can cause slippage. It won’t help your case if your partner tumbles to the floor in mid act!