Things not to say to a cop when you’re pulled over…

  • I only had one officer Mr. Keg..
  • Back off Barney, I’ve got a piece.
  • Want to race to the station, Sparky?
  • I know I was weaving, but I can’t find the Honeycomb Hideout!
  • On the way to the station let’s get a twelve pack.
  • You’ll never get those cuffs on me…You Pussy!
  • Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
  • Hey, wasn’t your daughter a pork queen?
  • How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
  • Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
  • I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
  • Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
  • Hey, you must’ve been doing’ about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!
  • Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
  • I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
  • Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated?
  • You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
  • “Bad Cop! No Donut!”
  • I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that’s how far I am behind the other cars.
  • You’re NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
  • “Lets do it different this time… I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow”
  • Didn’t I see you get your ass kicked on “COPS” last week on TV?
  • Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend’s bed.
  • I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
  • So, uh, you “on the take”, or what?
  • Gee, officer! That’s terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
  • Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
  • So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn’t let you play with your gun when you were little?
  • Hey is that a 9 mm? That’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
  • When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.
  • Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
  • Hey, you look like that girl I fucked a few days ago…
  • Aren’t you one of the Village People?
  • Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!
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Written by theFerkel