The Dead don’t Die or How great actors were squandered in this crap movie

Went to see the much awaited “The Dead don’t Die” movie – which was supposed to be another horror comedy like Shaun of the Dead but it really fell flat.It’s got a great cast including Ben Swolo (Adam Driver), Groundhog Day Man (Bill Murray), The Wise one (Tilda Swinton) and Con Air Specialist (Steve Buscemi).

The pre-movie credits are huge and that’s usually a sign of the director sucking his own d*$k and wanting to be Marvel but without all the cool animations. We’re presented with the soundtrack of the movie, “The Dead Don’t Die” which is repeated ad nauseam through the movie making you want to either strangle the director or the singer.

The dialogue is strained and punctuated by extremely long pauses and lulls and the humour is barely there and not enough to salvage this piece of crap.

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When the days are getting longer due to the world axis changing (caused by Polar fracking), the dead come back alive but not all at once but kinda in waves. First Iggy Pop (which was the only reason I gave this movie a one instead of a zero on imdb) and then more. The zombies are not looking for brains, they are hungry for human guts and will sometimes utter some things they really liked when alive: candy, coffee and wifi.

The dead zombies carrying around well charged phones looking for Bluetooth was odd.. I mean, where did they find the phones? Were they buried with them? No pass-code? charger and electric cable included?

I nearly walked out but I was oddly fascinated with this train track. A delivery guy who gives this over the top nerd “wisdom” pieces…

The world is perfect. Appreciate the details.

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A mortician who is speaking English with such a strong accent that you can’t tell where she’s from (they mention Scotland or Ireland). She’s apparently a black belt and has the ability to slash through zombies like a hot knife through butter.

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She also needed a course in appropriate makeup for dead people

At the end of the movie she gets kidnapped (or chooses to go) with a freaking alien space ship back home. I WAS GASPING.

Who the f&^”k wrote this piece of crap script?

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What really annoyed me though was the constant breaking of the fourth wall and the repetitive nature of the jokes.  First wall break happens when the movie name song was playing in a car. So when they say “It’s the theme song”, you wonder to yourself are they actually talking about the movie? Is this something that will be explained later? Surely they wouldn’t break the 4th wall like that…and then you see the second 4th wall break, where one of the police officers literal states “He knows how the movie ends, because he read the script”, I nearly walked out again.

The repetitive part comes with some of the scenes. I mean, you have two waitresses who were gutted – the first idea that the cops have it’s that zombies done it..

Cliff Robertson: What do you think did this?

Ronnie Peterson: I’m thinking zombies.

Cliff Robertson: What?

Ronnie Peterson: You know, the undead. Ghouls.

and then they all take turns in going inside the diner to look at the bodies and then exclaim the same sentences. I was really annoyed at the end of them.

Was it an animal? Was it a pack of animals?

maxresdefault.jpgThe trailer of this movie honestly belies the state of the actual movie. If you watch the trailer, it attempts to convey a more action oriented approach, with aspects of comedy that are quite synonymous with Zombie movies in recent times. However, the movie itself is nowhere like the trailer attempted to portray it as. Everything in the movie is slow, dull, and seems to just be meandering its way through scenes. Watching it, you really want to like it. You’re thinking to yourself that the build up is going to be worth it. However, the more of it you watch, you will begin to feel as though the movie is not going to change, and it doesn’t. The entire movie is extremely blah from start to finish.

1/10 DNR

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