Dark Phoenix or the Story of the Other Fire Stark

Went to see Dark Phoenix tonight and I have to admit, I was pretty cautious. I got burnt before with X-Men movies (Wolverine Origins sucked and X-Men 3 Phoenix Rising sucked too!)

But! Days of Future past was awesome! And I really, really like James McAvoy and his acting skills are off the charts (remember Split and Glass?).

So I sit down and as I’m slowly munching on my popcorn, we get to see the re-imagined version of how Jean Grey lost her mother in an accident and got to live with Professor X.
Slightly different version from X3 and I loved it! We can see the slow motion crash, the glass flying through the air, young Jean covering her eyes, the dead stare of her mother in the rear view mirror. Beautifully shot and executed.
That was the only good bit of movie that I got to see for another 30 minutes or so.

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What comes next is a lot of wooden acting from Sansa Stark and the lines they were given just felt really clipped and short. Mostly two words, maybe three. Jenniffer Lawrence makes an appearance as Mistique and she has a SJW agenda! She orders everyone around in the small shuttle that takes them into space and when the mission fails, she goes to her direct supervisor (professor X) and exposes her SJW agenda!

“Did you know that the women had to save the men! We should be called X-Women not X-Men”

I nearly gagged I felt so nauseous. Why? Why did they come to X-Men and try to push this crap down our throats? Plus, it wasn’t just the Women who saved the Men! Is Quicksilver a woman? Is Nighcrawler a woman? It felt forced and I was pretty happy to see her leave.

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I loved the space graphics and the energy swirls

SPOILER: Jean Grey kills Mistique in a burst of power when she got upset that her dad (who was still alive after the car crash) did not come look for her and actually gave her away to Professor X to raise as he felt unqualified to handle her emerging mutant powers (fully justified). Mistique’s death was really drawn out and The Beast is very upset that his love interest is gone (and on her last day at the job because she was planning to retire!!) Talk about clichees.

Jean Grey: I’m scared. And when I lose control, bad things happen to the people I love.

That’s not the only one.

Plot-wise, the middle of the movie is a total predictable mess. Jean Grey destroys some police cars with no provocation (who the hell called them and why?), mutants are on the bad list again, Jean is left to fend for herself in the streets as she refuses to go back to the Professor.

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The most powerful mutant on the planet crying on the streets

Jean Grey: [cries in the rain] Why did you make me do that? She was my friend…

She turns to Magneto (Michael Fassbender) who now lives in a Mutant Commune but she does not tell him she killed Mistique by mistake.
The government comes looking for her and while Magneto explains his rights, she comes out and instead of talking to them peacefully she decides to trash a helicopter WITH PEOPLE STILL IN IT!!

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Does she look a little like Edea from Final Fantasy 8?
Ff8-edea.jpg
She does!!

She’s wilfully killing people at the moment and endangering the same people who could have offered her sanctuary.
And then, she has the gall to ask Magneto if she can stay.
Like what was he going to say? Yes, sure, now that you’ve shown you’re violent and unpredictable, you can stay here where my people will fear both you and a government-let assault.
PS: I wanted to get out of the cinema at one point as the plot and acting got pretty terrible. And they should fire the cameraman who shot the static shots in the hut. They should be just normal pans from face to face as they’re having a dialogue but the camera was shaking so much it felt like a person with Parkinson’s was holding it.

She runs again and she falls into the hands of some baddies from out of space who want to steal her sparkle.
The action scenes are so flat that I no longer cared who was fighting who.

Scott Summers: Jean lost control. But she’s still our friend.

I pretty much tuned out until all mutants were captured and sitting in a train. Than the action picked up so much that it lifted my original 2/10 rating to 7/10. I loved it! Everyone was joining into the fight and we even got to see the meek and mellow Nightcrawler kill some alien baddies!

Ending wise, it was predictable – same cliche – we are family and no-one else matters. I was throwing up in my mind! Phoenix comes to the surface, saves the day, kills the bad gal in outer space and then due to the massive energy outbursts she transforms into a literal energy bird that soars through the skies? Cheesy!!

To top it all off, they renamed the Professor X school into the “Jean Grey School for the Gifted” and Beast became headmaster in his blue fluffy self. Professor X retired like Bruce to Paris where he plays chess with Magneto.
Rating dropped from 7/10 to a 6/10 for this shitty wrap up.
Well, after the Game of Thrones finale, I know I shouldn’t expect more from things like this!!

Good Bits:

  • Car crash scene
  • Space absorption scene
  • Scrolling through Jean Grey’s memories using the Professor’s mind reader device
  • Quicksilver’s scenes (he’s always awesome)
  • Magneto’s control of the helicopter against Jean Grey (he was the only convincing actor in that scene)
  • The out-of-space villains were pretty hard to kill but they were down with high calibre bullets. I could listen to the explosions for ever!
  • Nighcrawler had some pretty decent fight scenes!
  • Chinese poster for the movie

Bad Bits:

  • SJW agenda from both Mistique and the space villain (“You wouldn’t want a man to tell you what to do?”)
  • Shitty Mistique death
  • Shitty Jean Grey death
  • Shitty rename of the school in her honour
  • Professor X retired?? really? it was his life’s work
  • Costumes looked really cheap

Really Bad Bits:

  • Sansa Stark’s acting was pretty terrible, her facial expressions varied from blank to frowny blank. They shouldn’t have put her in a leading role of a major blockbuster when her previous role was secondary at best.
  • Flat and confused plot (it didn’t confuse me but it was confused itself)
  • (Might get some hate for this) Jean Grey had an amazing frame (like all X-girls). Sansa Grey was a bit on the stocky side – wide shoulders and rectangular frame making her more fitted for a villain 😀
  • At least her boobs were on point (no pun intended)https___www.screengeek.net_wp-content_uploads_2019_01_x-men-dark-phoenix

Here’s what I was looking for!

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