I’ll be turning 34 in a couple of months and I am faced with the same problems I had at 30. I knew back Then I would not get hitched and carry someone’s name.
I’m still single and I’m actually loving it.
I wake up when I want, I go to bed when I want. I flirt with guys I don’t call back afterwards. But some people might argue that being single is like being a ship lost in the sea, floating where the breeze takes you. And I would tell them it’s more like a ship anchored to a beautiful island. I’m happy alone, happy with company but ultimately free to do what I please.
I remember when I just started dating again after my massive ex break up, I was desperate enough to just talk to anyone that would talk to me… I met a guy that came with this massive sob story which he sent to me in an email – it was so big he had to send two emails – and instead of showing sympathy and crying for his sake I asked: “what made her leave?”
Every story has two parts and hearing just one side is unfair.
So even though I was single and desperate, I risked speaking my mind as my brain would not be spoon-fed other people’s lies (anymore). Needless to say, he stopped talking to me (after swearing a bit about my being a terrible person for questioning his version of the truth).
Dating is not like religion. Belief without proof. So every guy I meet I research beforehand. This should probably be normal in today’s online dating scene. People tend to paint themselves in the most flattering light and it’s this light that attracts me. The problem comes afterwards when the shine dissipates and reveals the true person. This is when my excitement drops. So.. I don’t last more than 1.5 dates before I call it quits. The guy needs to be freaking special for me to continue seeing him.
I am a rooted person. I am confident in my self, my abilities, my future. I no longer hesitate, unsure of how to be. I know myself best and this self knowledge is what sometimes puts people off..
I’ll give you an example: dated a guy who wouldn’t have an opinion. What movie yo watch, what food to eat, what to do at the weekend. I dumped him and he seemed surprised, like really surprised. When I told him that he’ll be fine without me and he will definitely find someone better suited to his personality (my very pleasant way of saying that I didn’t like him), he retorted: You’re going to be fine afterwards, aren’t you. You’re calm now and won’t suffer like I will. What will I do now this weekend?
I was calm and for a moment I thought that I was displaying sociopathic tendencies as I felt absolutely no qualms about the breakup. Same emotional involvement as ordering pizza.
I got a bit scared so I went home and started thinking of all my breakups. At least the ones I had initiated – all were clean. Ripping a bandage to let the wound heal. And I realised why I had no feeling… It was because I was no longer looking for a person to complete me, I was already complete. I was looking for a challenge, someone worthy.
Ok, maybe not him…
So I upped my game. Dated a university teacher until I realised he didn’t know what he wanted to be when he grew up and had been a cook until two years ago… And he was still worried about what others thought about him… (For example he said he took some drugs when he was younger, I was reading at the time so I didn’t reply and he sent me this long message about how sorry he was And I shouldn’t hate him. Bare in mind at this point we hadn’t actually met. He was pouring his soul out to a stranger and then awaiting either forgiveness or confirmation or his behaviour- both not acceptable demands from a potential date. What if he took drugs again? Would you forgive his addiction because you forgave it before? Or would you play it cool and say it’s no biggie?)
Dated an aerospace engineer until I realised his spelling was atrocious and he liked to objectify women to feel more like a man (some deep seated insecurity in there). (One nice example I received during my work hours: “I can’t stop thinking about you’re sexy but”. I wanted to reply:”but… But what?”
Dated a marketing specialist until I found out (by mistake) that he was on below minimum wage with no ambitious bone in his body… I like my man to be like that Cypress Hill song lyric:what’s your number
She said I want a man with a plan and ambition
Not an immature nigga on a “pussy-hit mission”
I’m too good for that I have so much to offer
Got a good job working at my mom and dad’s law firm
You got goals, that’s what she asked
Yeah I wanna fill my home with platinum plaques
Dated a Portuguese mechanical engineer that swore he could not be without me and that circumstances kept him away from me for more than 6 months now with no effort on his side to attempt a visit.
I did like the last one a bit.. but I realised that he wasn’t a go-getter, he was more of a hand-me-down type of man. He wanted a good job with good benefits and a good wage but he didn’t look for one. I suggested a few sites where he could browse but he never looked at them. He took the first job that one of his mates found for him. He whined that he wanted to see me but only between 9 pm and 3am (thankfully my phone has Silent Hours) but he never got on a plane for a weekend away. So yeah, all talk no walk.
So, I’m single now. Happy so and looking forward to my 40’s when I will become a cat lady. 😂