Q: When do zombies go to sleep?
A: When they are dead tired.
Q: Why did the zombie ignore all his Facebook friends?
A: He was still DIGESTING all of his followers on Twitter!
Q: Did you hear about the big zombie party?
A: It was DEAD & full of STIFFS!
Q: Why did the zombie eat the archer?
A: He wanted his bone and marrow.
Q: Why did the zombie go to the dentist?
A: To improve his BITE!
Q: Where do zombies eat dinner?
A: The LIVING room!
Q: Why do zombies make good ringtones?
A: They produce lots of sound BITES!
Q: Why did the zombie go to the hospital?
A: He wanted to learn some SICK jokes!
Q: What do you call zombies with big lips?
A: A Zombie A-pack-of-lips.
Q: Did you hear about the vegan Zombie?
A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables!
Q: Why did “The Walking Dead” win an Emmy?
Q: How does a zombie introduce himself?
A: By saying “Pleased to eat you.”
Q: What’s a zombies favorite bean?
A: A human bean.
Q: Did you hear about the zombie comic book?
A: It’s called YOLO and it’s full of irony.
Q: Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
A: They just love a woman with BRAAAINS!
Q: What do all the Apple shareholder zombies keep telling Tim Cook?
A: We’re DYING to have YOU for dinner!
Q: Did you hear about the new zombie dating book?
A: It’s called “DYING To Meet You!”
Q: What do you call a zombie with lots of children?
A: A MOMster!
Q: What’s a zombies favorite desert?
Q: Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: What would a monster’s psychiatrist be called?
Q: What does a zombie get when he’s late for dinner?
A: The cold SHOULDER!
Q: Where do you find a dead man with change?
Q: Why did the zombie do good on the test?
A: Because it was a no brainier!
Q: What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?
A: LIFE Savers!
Q: What do you call a zombie pollster?
A: A DEAD ringer!
Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend
Q: Where do most zombies live?
A: On DEAD end streets!
Q: Who won World War Z?
A: Nobody, it was a DEAD tie!
Q: Why did the zombie become a roadie for Bon Jovi?
A: Because the sign said “Help Wanted Dead Or Alive”.
Q: Why did the zombie stop teaching?
A: He crossed his PUPILs!
Q: What did the zombie say after he found his girlfriend cheating on him?
A: You’re DEAD to me!
Q: What do you call a bee that never dies?
A: A zomBEE!
Q: What do zombies say before a fight?
A: Do you want a PIECE of me?
Q: Why did the zombie go crazy?
A: He had LOST his mind!
Q: How do zombies eat computers?
A: They use megaBITES!
Q: What does a Zombie call Chinese people?
A: Take Out
Q: What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his Ass!
Q: What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
A: Head & Shoulders!
Q: What kind of streets do zombies like best?
A: DEAD ends!
Q: What did the Zombie say to the other Zombie after he was hit by a semi?
A: You look smashing.
Q: Where do zombies go swimming?
A: The DEAD Sea!
Q: What does it take to become a zombie?
Q: What did the zombie order at the club?
A: A shot of To-KILL-Ya!, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser.
Q: What time do zombies wake up?
A: At ATE o’clock!
Q: What is a zombie’s favorite Reality TV show?
A: “CHOMPING On The Stars!”
Q: Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
A: He had NO LEG to STAND ON!