The last witch hunter was sooo boring

I was hyped for the upcoming release of the Witch Hunter. The trailer looked promising, it had loads of action and I must say I love both Eliajah Wood and Vin Diesel on their own, but together, they will be awesome!

What I was expecting: A mix between Constantine (with Keanu Reeves) and Season of the witch (Nicholas Cage). Basically awesomeness in witch hunting and destroying!

What I got: 5 minutes of initial coolness – fighting in medieval time against a witch who has more makeup on than Avtar and kinda reminded me of Groot:

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And then another 100 minutes of padded out crap. Sorry to be so negative about it, but most of the movie was drawn out, it had a mystery of who killed “Alfred” who wasn’t actually dead, a lot of flashbacks of the Witch Hunter’s initial family from centuries ago (who can remember someone so well after so many years and why hasn’t he moved on?) and how he missed them and a feeble relationship between the hero and a pretty witch (remember Igritte from GOT?)

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Eliajah Wood only appears shortly at the start and at the end of the movie and has little to no depth to his character. He looks like an apprentice designated to serve him (quite religious looking in a way that reminded me of Sin City)

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When the movie ends we have a bit of a reveal which I was totally expecting and he turns bad and then immediately is killed by the queen (who is revived). I did not feel sorry for his passing as I did not have enough on-screen time with him to feel anything.

Good parts of the movie: the CGI is great! The shots with the tree and with the fly swarms are well shot and saved this movie a little.

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“Alfred” shines in his role and I think he was the only person who delivered. The Vin Diesel of old times, with a beard, looks great. Very viking, much wow.

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Bad parts: acting was wooden, no chemistry between characters, one-dimensional plot development. Elijah Wood has a very limited role and I never really bought into his character or performance rather. The writing is not exactly Oscar worthy, it’s rather poor actually. But it didn’t need to be. Vin Diesel, even though he has a deep cool voice, looks sleeping or slightly out of it most of his modern self. Like he wasn’t even into it. I was thoroughly creeped out when he was talking with a stewardess at the start of the movie. WTF. Open your eyes man!

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I think the biggest problem with the movie is that it tried to include too much world-building, but didn’t give the world building enough time to pay-off. Normally, I don’t think movies should add material, but they should move through the world a little longer before introducing the main story arc. Instead it’s a bunch of characters showing up long enough to give Vin Diesel (Kaulder) a quest item, and then disappearing.

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