How the hell can you screw up an 80’s nostalgia movie?
Simple: Blow your money on A-list actors’ wages and on CGI and throw the script out the window.
I went to see this film today, and thought it wouldn’t be that bad. Sure, Adam Sandler movies have been awful in the last couple of years but, I thought I would give this movie a shot.
It was truly awful, it has the same quality of the past couple of Adam Sandler movies, which as I said is not a good thing.The movie is bad and not in a “so bad it’s good” type of way.
The acting is bad, and it felt like the actors didn’t really care at all for the movie, and just wanted their money. Adam Sandler gives another Razzie-worthy performance, and the supporting actors are not great either. The direction is bad too,Chris Columbus was good in the early 2000s and 90s but for the past 5 years he has been awful.It feels like he’s not even trying because he was successful with Harry Potter and Home Alone. The writing and humor was awful too,something I kinda expected. I didn’t expect this movie to be hilarious, but with the fun video games storyline, I thought the humor wouldn’t be that bad, oh so wrong I was.
James and Sandler will go down as box office poison now. I mean look at Paul Blart. Did anyone even bother to watch that terrible piece of (LOL)…cinema. I loved these games as a kid, but this film is appalling. I don’t understand what anyone found interesting on this subject enough for it to be made into a film? The subject should have been alone and your money would have been saved. Obviously those that like it have no taste.
Many people have been telling me that it was great, the kids loved it, they were remembered how cool it was when they were younger and playing arcade games. I have seen the movie and all I could see about growing up in the video-games area was 5 minutes at the beginning of the movie and nothing more.
There are characters in this movie, I guess. Adam Sandler plays Adam Sandler as a “nerd” whose crowning achievement in life is coming second place in a world championship contest of Donkey Kong or whatever at 10 years old, and fails to move on with his life after this wasted potential.
Oh and he gets with Michelle Monaghan (spoilers) which is probably the most plausible aspect of this movie.
Kevin James is the President who is fat and clumsy and fat and is illiterate and fat which adds to the hilarity because of the sheer wit gone into developing his character arc.
Peter Dinklage and Bryan Cox are in this movie for some reason.
Josh Gad shows up and yells a lot. Other humans are sometimes on screen waving CGI weapons at CGI monsters disguised as loving and cuddly nostalgia. I just feel so drained after watching a movie like this… While understanding that opinions are subjective and that everyone is entitled to their own individual outlook of any given basis that is not entirely based on fact, if you liked this movie you are wrong and your opinion is irrelevant.
Good parts: Dojo Quest (Ashley Benson)
These were supposed to be the funnies lines in the movie. Read and yawn.
Kid: President can’t READ.
Will Cooper (Kevin James) : You need to channel your genius into something productive.
Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten (Michelle Monaghan): I am sitting on the floor sobbing drinking wine out of a sippy cup.
Sam Brenner (Adam Sandler): Hold that thought, snobby.
Sam Brenner: Somebody’s more important.
Sam Brenner: Can I sit on your chair?
Will Cooper: No, you can’t.
Sam Brenner: I am sitting in the chair.
Sam Brenner: Does she really get to talk twice? She isn’t even sitting at the grown up table.
Ludlow Lamonsoff (Josh Gad): I am on an all protein diet, but I am also doing carbs!
Ludlow Lamonsoff: I am trying to save the world from annihilation. You Cracker!
Ludlow Lamonsoff: The government spies on us through our cable boxes. That has been proven.
Will Cooper: Why does Madonna want to take over the planet?
Ludlow Lamonsoff: You smell so nice like the book of genesis!
Scott Brenner: I would kiss the guy in the yacht 100 times before I’d kiss you.
Will Cooper: Let the NERDS take over!
Eddie Plant (Peter Dinklage): (to Professor Iwatani) I made your game my b*tch.
Professor Iwatani: What a b*tch?
Professor Iwatani: Pac-Man is not bad. You’ll see. I create him to bring joy to people.
Sam Brenner: Professor Iwatani, what are you doing?
Professor Iwatani: I will talk to him, he’s my son. Hello, my sweet, little boy. Look how big you’ve grown.
Ludlow Lamonsoff: That’s so sweet, he’s so sweet.
Professor Iwatani: I know, you’re a good boy.
[Pac-Man bit his hand into pixels, then he and the genius scream]
Professor Iwatani: Somebody annihilate this stupid thing!
Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten: How did you do that so fast?
Eddie Plant: because I am the champ, Lt. Long Legs.
Eddie Plant: I should have gone with Martha Stewart. At least I’d have some tasty panini.
Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten’s son: You have been a cheater your whole life.
Ludlow Lamonsoff: Live long. Laugh bunch. Love often.
Military Guy: Where the hell is my momma?
Sam Brenner: Grab on to my mighty hammer?
Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten: You love saying that.
Sam Brenner: Yes I do.
Sam Brenner: Donkey Kong.
President Will Cooper: It’s just a barrel. How bad can it hurt?
President Will Cooper: [as a pixel Smurf dances, he kills it with his pixel blaster, then everyone looks at him] Don’t tell anybody I killed a Smurf.
Sam Brenner: We’re the only ones who can do this! I’m kidding, we’re all gonna die. I’m just… sorry.
Sam Brenner: Pac-Man’s a bad guy?
Sam Brenner: We got this, if we don’t, the world ends.
Sam Brenner: Pac-Man’s faster than I remember.
Eddie Plant: Pac-Man’s always been faster than the ghost. We’re gonna have to outmaneuver.
Ludlow Lamonsoff: We got him! He’s got nowhere to go!
Ludlow Lamonsoff: I believe that some alien life-force, has sent real life video games, to attack us.
Sam Brenner: We have to take the battle to them.
Sam Brenner: Nerds are the greatest kissers.
Sam Brenner: Nobody else is weirded out about this? That was Q-bert.