How to get a boyfriend in the new year


CHAPTER 1: how to make a boyfriend/girlfriend

first, you have to go up to them. Don’t be to straight forward about it though. Just say “if you don’t be my boyfriend /girlfriendI’ll rape you with a lamp cord” it simple, but effective. By then, you should have a new friend.

CHAPTER 2: letting them know you care

Make sure you give them lots of gifts such as: samples of your urine, the left over food you found under your earlobe from last nights dinner, or a picture of your poop stained underwear, jut to let them know,that you care. Also make sure that you stalk them with thoughtful texts such as: “I was just taking a dump and was thinking of you”, or “I was playing connect the dots with my pimples and the picture looked liked you so I thought I’d text you.


There are multiple ways in which you can show affection. One way is when you go to hug them, try and wrap you hands around their neck, leading to their slow, painful death. That way, they will be thinking of you.

Another way (if you are a girl) is to constantly slap your boyfriend in the face with your boobs leaving leftover yeast on there forehead. Trust me, this works.

CHAPTER 3: breaking up

If you want to break up with your partner, try doing these things:

1: kill them. This way they will never bother you again. Also, you can use the remains to make a stew

2. Tell them that you have a disease that makes your nipples travel inward, causing you to form one big nipple.

3: tell them that it’s not going to work out because you fell in love with your brother/sister and are currently in a serious relationship with them.

Just follow these steps and your life will be perfect

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Written by theFerkel