There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.
Doctor: What was the problem?
Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand…nothing. So, I tried with my left hand…nothing. My wife tried with her right hand…nothing. Her left hand…nothing. Her mouth…nothing. Then my wife’s friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth….still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife’s friend too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn’t get the lid off of the specimen cup.
An 80-year old man walks into the doctor’s office for his regular check-up.
Doctor : “Ahh, Pap, how are you feeling ?”
Old Man : “Great,”. “I have an 18-year old wife, and she’s pregnant with my child.”
Doctor ( Confused & Concerned)
“Pap, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and one early morning, he goes out hunting, but he was in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his Gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a lion. He aims at the lion with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The lion falls dead to the ground.”
Old Man : (Suprise) “What ?!” “Why ? that is impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion.”
Doctor : (Laughing) “Exactly Pap!”
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a gorgeous young gal on his arm. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
With that, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at $40,000”, the jeweler said. The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by cheque. “I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds.Then I’ll come by and pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”
“I know”, said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend that I had?”