I have been oscilating between being extremely angry and being super sad. My best friend decided he does no longer want to speak to me.
Why? It’s simple. I have a yellow bowl with a handle that I love to make my soups in. A few nights ago, I heard a crash from the kitchen, some whispered voices, my name and then silence. In the next morning, I could not find my bowl but I put it down to me having misplaced it somewhere. Coming home to lunch, I’m sitting in the kitchen and I hear the normal ebay ding when your bid is outbid. I look around and I find my friend’s iPod flash to life with a message that “Bid outbid for brown bowl with handle”. It all made sense. He broke it and he wanted to get me a new one before I found out.
Just to make sure, I look around the kitchen opening every cupboard so I don’t spout out shit.
Nope, nowhere to be found.
Smiling, I send him a message saying “Hey, no need to get me another mug, I really hated that old thing! *smile*”
“What are you on about?”
“That cup-mug thing – no need to get me another one”
“I have no idea what you are talking about”
I look at my phone, confused and wonder whether I saw the right thing on the iPod. I go to it and flash it to life and the messages from ebay are there, just over the lock screen.
I huff it away and go back to my daily chores.
Night time, he comes back home, looking drawn from another day at work and starts asking me about what I messaged him about. I avoid the subject as much as I can, but in the end I tell him I saw the ebay bid on his iPod.
He goes like “so you looked on my iPod… you invaded my privacy, you read my messages. That was not for you, it was for a colleague at work, I have no idea where you put your bowl.”
And that was the last time he spoke to me.
I apologized, I told him it was non-intentional and he just walked off.
I thought he’d be angry for a while and then it will pass but no such luck. He held on to his grudge and took it a level further. He started ignoring me completely. We live in the same house, door to door, it would be impossible to stop talking completely… but he did it.
I tried poking him, asking him about work, asking him about dinner – he just went on with whatever he was doing without acknowledging me.
I felt hurt, betrayed and more.. at a loss. I don’t think what I did was so atrocious to warrant a response like this but it was here, and happening.
I thought he was by best friend and best friends don’t fall out overnight like this.
My head hurt, my heart hurt more.
I decided I’m just going to ignore him too. But I can’t – It’s so much in my nature to talk to people that staying silent feels like I am being rude beyond measure. And then it hit me. It wasn’t me who was being rude, it was him. And he did not care about being friends with little old me – maybe he did not want to be friends to start with and did not have a reason to tell me to stay the f..k away. He found one now and he’s holding on to it with ferocity.
So – what I’m going to do – is not wonder why he’s not talking to me and just continue being friends with him. I like him, my feelings can’t just stop because he’s not reciprocated. I’ve never heard of a one-sided friendship but here I am trying to create one.
“Daca voi nu ma vreti, eu va vreau” (famous quote from a book I read growing up – If you do not want me, I do want you – coming in the context that I shall do whatever I want regardless of the other people’s feelings).
Truly egocentric and selfish approach to life, but hell, who am I supposed to please in this life if not myself first?