Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
A: He only comes once a year.
Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Q: Why the Christmas tree can’t stand up?
A: It doesn’t have legs.
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat?
A Merry Can (American)
Q: What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.
Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses
The 4 stages of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You dress up as Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus
Remember, Christmas isn’t about how big the tree is, or what’s under it. It’s about who’s around it I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
For Christmas I want Santa’s list of naughty girls.
There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
Is anyone else waiting until December 22nd to Christmas shop? Just in case the Mayans were right?
Last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas. I woke up in a box.
The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.
A song told me to Deck the Halls…so I did. Mr.and Mrs. Hall are not very happy.
Dear Santa, I was framed.
This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I’ve decided to give everyone my opinion.
I try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the Holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.