Cop Jokes

The Suspect

There was an exam at the Police to elect a new lieutenant. So, they bring each of the interviewees and show them a profile picture of the suspect.

“What can you tell us about this man?” asks the commission.
The first cop responds:
“Well… he only has one ear.”
They throw him out and bring the next one in.
The second cop says: “I think he has bad hearing, ’cause he only has one ear”. He’s also thrown out.
The third cop says: “He wears contact lenses”.
The commission is baffled, review the facts and say that indeed, the man was wearing contacts. Asking him how he deducted this fact so marvellously, he replies:
“Well, he can’t be wearing glasses because he only has one ear!”

The Light

There was another exam at the Police and this time the examiner turns off the light in the room and asks all the cops gathered there to tell him where the light went. They start thinking really hard but they can’t come up with a solution so they asked the inspector to give them one more day to think it over. The inspector agrees and the second day, most of the cops still haven’t found a solution, all except one.
“I know where the light went”
“How did you find out?”
“I went home and repeated the experiment. I turned off the light and then went off looking for it throughout the house. I looked in the bedroom, in the bathroom, in the kitchen and when I opened the fridge I found it hidden there!”

The Puzzle

A cop goes to the Guiness World Records and asks to be entered in the book of records.
“What record did you break?”
“I finished a puzzle. On the box it said between 3 and 6 years and I’ve finished it in just two!”

The Helicopter

Two cops in a helicopter are looking at the spinning blade.
“Hey, what do you think that is?”
“I think it’s the air conditioner. Ever since it stopped spinning, the pilot is sweating like mad!”


From 100 cops, who pees the furthest?
The one with the fly open.

What does a cop say when he sees a banana peel on the street?
Dammit! I’m gonna break my leg again!

Why don’t cops wear shoes with laces?
They took an awfully long time to tie them.

Why do cops sit with their face pointing North?
So they have muscles growing on them.

How can you burn the ear of a cop?
You call him when he’s ironing his laundry.
How come he has both ears burned off the next day?
He had to call for a doctor.

Why do cops have an empty glass and a full glass of water on the nightstand?
If they wake up in the middle of the night, maybe they’re thirsty, maybe not.

What’s the difference between a cop and a tray of shit?
The tray.

Why do two cops riding a motorcycle get into a fight for?
Because they can’t agree on who gets the window seat.

Why do traffic cops wear elbow length gloves?
So they know where to bend the arm.

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Written by theFerkel