Computer viruses

Ellen Degeneres virus

Your PC suddenly claims it’s a MAC.
Monica Lewinsky virus Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Titanic virus Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Mike Tyson virus Quits after one byte.
Prozac virus Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care.
Sharon Stone virus Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it’s there.
Lorena Bobbit virus Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Tim Allen virus Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.
Woody Allen virus Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
Saddam Hussein virus Won’t let you into any of your programs.
Tonya Harding virus Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
George Michaels virus Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.
Joey Buttafuoco virus Only attacks minor files.
X-files virus All your Icons start shapeshifting.
Spice Girl virus Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
Ronald Reagan virus Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.
Sony Bono virus Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of nowhere.
Martha Stewart virus Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.
Oprah Winfrey virus Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
AT&T virus Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus Terminates and stays resident.
It’ll be back.
Viagra virus Expands your hard drive, while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.
Politically correct virus Never calls itself a “virus”, but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism.”
Pro-life virus Won’t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.
Texas virus Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve virus Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Nike virus Just does it.
Star treck virus Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Health care virus Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Use your virus scan, dont let any of these viruses infect your PC!

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