Day 03 — Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save themself for marriage…
This should be phrased differently – “I believe that a person should save themselves for one special person.” The institution of marriage has been overly discussed and overly appreciated and while in some cultures it is necessary that a woman is married in order to be with a man (village law requires the marriage ceremony to take place in order to mark the woman as unavailable for other men in the village), in today’s culture, marriage is only a way for people to share assets and gain a faithful roommate and friend.
Why would I rather answer the re-phrased question?
Because, while I don’t believe in Marriage, I do believe in Love, in destined souls, in love at first sight and in something bigger than the lowly selfs that we carry with us every day. I do believe in the idea of two lovers sharing the same soul but in two bodies. And I do believe that somewhere on this earth there is another person who is my perfect match (I don’t say opposite because opposites attract but they split up just as quick due to their different ways).
I am speaking now from experience. I did a lot of dating when I was in my college years but I refused to sleep with anyone for the simple reason that they were not “THE ONE”. An old lady told me that I should not save myself for a man, because whoever I pick will not appreciate fully the idea of my chastity and he will hurt me and I would have felt sorry for waiting so long. I disagreed with this when I heard it. I can choose my own partners and if I choose a man that will hurt me it’s only my idiocy at stake and nothing else. “My body is my temple and I respect myself too much to let anyone who is unworthy in”. I repeated this mantra for days and months. Let’s just say that I could stay with a person longer than 2 weeks and I switched boyfriends like socks. None was perfect, none was good enough. Soon enough I started getting depressed – will I ever find the one that would make my heart throb, that will love me with all my imperfections, that I could love in spite of his? I could see friends getting hitched left, right and center and I was nearing my tender age of 23 when I started feeling that my virginity was no longer a blessing but a curse. So I set out to look for a man filled with tenderness, that would love me until the end of days, that will respect me for who I was and that will kiss the ground I walk on so I can give my virginity to him and join the ranks of the world. You might laugh, but I did find this man. And he gave me the most amazing first time ever! He kissed me, he caressed me and I knew no pain.
I dated him for 10 whole months and when he proposed I felt ever so upset. I refused him and broke up with him shortly after.
Now – why would you think I would do this? While I knew I loved him, I could not see myself spending my life with him as he was not the one. He was the perfect man to give my chastity to but he was not the person that I could love fully with all my heart. His tenderness was tedious on me, his following eyes were like the ones of a sick puppy dog always wanting care and attention, his embrace was lacking strength, his kiss was dry and proper. While he was always caring for me, he soon started to suffocate me with attention, cutting off my hobby time, crying on the phone about the smallest of issues, basically being a total wuss.
I started to despise him for his gentle manner and I realized that a lifetime with him would mean either the death of me or the death of him. I am an agressive creature, I love to be challenged, I love to poke and bounce ideas off on somebody elses brain. Bore me and I shall ignore you for eternity. Changing my personality to match his (as I have seen other girls my age do) would have turned me into a placid, average, mediocre woman, pregnant while carrying an infant, doomed to be a housewife when there are so many things to experience out there. I do not wish anyone to be “average” or “mediocre”. I read in Eliade’s “Diary of A Teenage Boy” that “mediocrity was the worst curse you can wish on someone. No trait to define you, nothing that will remain after you have gone. ” Then I knew I was not the one to get married and have children and go to work from 9 to 5 and live a conventional life.
It was a bad breakup (for him). He cried, begged my parents to talk to me and wrote me countless tear-jerking emails. I changed my email and I moved to a new place. Fresh start and a fresh look-out. There I found THE ONE. Agressive with business but gentle when watching a movie, tender and caring without suffocating me, loving me for who I am and most of all, letting me be me without any expectations. We’re still together four years in and I know he’s my soulmate.
If I had waited a little bit longer, he would have been my first. But when you’re in a hurry to fit in or you’re tired of waiting, you do stuff and while I don’t regret my choices, I so wish that I would have “Hold out” just a little bit longer.
In short – save yourself for a special someone and don’t try to be in with the norm. You being yourself is 10x better than being like one of the others. And while you might be chatted about, admiration is soon to follow.