Computer Jokes

“Apple” (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
“Hex Dump” – Where Witches put used Curses?
“I drank WHAT!?” – Socrates
(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer
*I* didn’t do it, the *computer* did it!
?ti t’nseod ,nainognilK sdnuos tI
A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind.
A flashlight is a case in which to carry dead batteries.
A wok is what you throw at a wabbit.
AAcckk!!  II”mm iinn hhaallff dduupplleexx
And God said: E = mc^2 , and there was light!
Apathy Error: Don’t bother striking any key.
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour.
Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head?
Baroque: (def.) When you are out of Monet!
Be vewy vewy quiet…I’m hunting tagwines!
Become a programmer and never see the world!!
Beep! Invalid Input.  I take only cash….
Beware!  I’m armed and have premenstrual tension.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding.
But I thought YOU did the backups…
Can I call you Ms. Dos?
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Boring Old Language
Coming soon: Netware for Nintendo
Computers: all they think is HEX !
Contrary to popular opinion, God’s last name isn’t Damn
DANGER DANGER Computer store ahead…hide wallet.
Danger! Gay zone! …Danger! Gays!…Run!!!……too late.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Die Schweine kamen vom Lande in die Staedten und dort wurden sie _Genossen.
Diplomacy is saying “nice doggy” until you find a rock.
DisneyLand: A people trap operated by a mouse.
Do witches run spell checkers?
Documentation…The stuff you wipe up coffee with.
Don’t pick up that phon@#*(>:’  NO CARRIER
Drop your carrier…we have you surrounded!
Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want…
Fer sell cheep:  IBM spel chekker.  Wurks grate.
God is dead.Nietzsche  Nietzsche is dead.God
His mummy went to a beauty contest and got fined! (=a luat amenda)
How do you know it’s summer in Seattle? The rain’s warmer
I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me!!
I never makes mistakes
I parked my harddisk – and got a ticket!
I wanna sex you (up/down/over/all over/through/out/over_and_over_again/dead).
I’m happiest when someone else is doing the cooking.
I’m not nearly as think as you confused I am.
If Einstein Had Been Black It would be E=MC Hammer
If money talks, Being a SysOp is pretty quiet!
If the enemy is in range … so are you!!!
Il y a 2 genres d’hommes: Ceux qui arrivent `a tout et ceux  `a qui tout arrive.
Is OS/2 only half an operating system?
It takes leather balls to play rugby.
Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.
L’amour fait passer le temps …et le temps fait passer l’amour.
Math and Alcohol don’t mix.  Please don’t drink & dErive.
Misbehaving witches are sent to their broom closet.
Money lent is money spent.
Most GUI’s I’ve seen are pretty gooey.
Multitasking = screwing up several things at once.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
Never test for an error you don’t know how to handle.
No school, no job.No problem
Noah saved animals from the flood by arcing them!
Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bad check
Ok, now for a quick backu^L+b&2PO^1+=.
Once a king, always a king but once a [k]night is enough!
Only two things are universal;  Hydrogen and Stupidity.
OS/2    That’s half an op

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Written by theFerkel