Will Smith and Jaden Smith / After Earth

So, even though I saw a score of 5 on IMDB (and IMDB is king when it comes to ratings), I said, what the hell, it’s a Sci-Fi, it can’t be worse than the Tom Cruise Oblivion remake. I was soooo wrong. The subject is centered too much on the desperate struggle of a boy to get his father’s approval and some of the scenes made me cringe thinking that in real life, Will Smith is the same with his son around a dinner table or out in the woods.

I know that Will is trying to get his son to follow in his footsteps as an actor and this is why he co-financed the Karate Kid remake a few years back to have his son included. I would him rather spend his money wiser – like sending his son to an acting school. Don’t get me wrong, his acting was acceptable (compared to a few horror flicks I’ve seen) and he will get better, but his facial expressions are always whiny and at some points made me want to kick him.

I found some scenes nauseating – not from the content – but from the overwhelming desire to put across a point. Like “Look at me, daddy, accept me, daddy, please love me as I’m a big boy now and I learned how to conquer my fears, be less of a wuss and defeat the URSA”.

Good points of the movie (and why I rated it a 5 on IMDB rather than a 1) – the awesome surroundings, the weapon design, the animation put into the monster – that would have taken a few teams of very skilled CGI artists.

I know this is not the end of Will Smith & Jaden Smith movies – but Will – please, please, if you want to introduce your son to the world as a class A actor, please make sure that he IS a class A actor. People will know and it will show in the ratings.

What really made my day though was this picture I saw on 9GAG before the movie. And yes, his expression did not vary that much from the below

I managed to stain a pair of trousers before we left so I had to change in another one. White jeans. Cause wearing black would be too obvious….

We went with the bus – which was great, I got to read about 10% of the “Dead Zone” by Stephen King by the time we got to London. His mood also improved a lot which means he was in a hurry to get there by the time the festival gates opened. That means we did not have time to queue in the bus station to the female toilet and allow me to change my … ahem… to handle my issue. So we speed walked all the way to the festival. Mid way through, my sandal strap broke and I realized I forgot my sun glasses on the bus. Yey!

I got told off for walking too slow so my mood was slowly plummeting and to make it worse, I felt like a flood started down there. I was thinking “please no, dooooon’t stain!!”

We managed to get to the festival and it was quite empty. I knew that no-one would turn up until later when the music started so we had a walk in the park (I ran for the toilets) and studied the map as to where we would go. All the attractions were booming with music but there were no people there. They were only started to come in. So, we sat on a bench and had breakfast.

Then on a hay stack and then we started watching people pouring in. Good looking people. Tanned people. Muscular people. Oh My God! All of them were freaking sexy!! Too bad there was not even one straight guy in sight. My poor friend was looking left, right and center and was sighing – “Oh, look at that one, he’s hot. Now I feel fat!” He is nowhere fat but how can I explain that to him when there were these types of guys walking about in shorts?

We met two people on the hay stack and that proved to be quite good as she was a lesbian and he was gay so we had each someone to talk to. We met them later on in the festival and they introduced us to their friends so we grew in quite a small circle. We got on so well that we even took a few photos I can’t wait to show to my parents! (I actually printed this one off and put it all across the house)

What else did we do? I had my face painted with a blue butterfly which got a lot of conversations started and managed to destroy my face tan (I was red all over except where the butterfly was – where I was white). Oh, I also tanned half an ankle.

We went to see Rylan, Conor Maynard, Katie B and later on, Rita Ora! They rocked house!! And me and my little ‘un were dancing until we felt we can dance no more.

Man, that was fun! I set up a few tasks for my landlord to complete. He is awfully shy and did not know how to break the ice. I demo-ed a few approaches and got a lot of hugs from (very hot) people but he just felt he would get bitch-slapped if he would walk over to a guy and ask to touch his pecs because they look awesome! (I did and they were really hard-core!)

So we went to the Arena, which was a mass of hot half-naked bodies pressed together, and dared him to go from one end to the other. We both went in. He weaseled his way in like, 10 seconds. I took my time, I danced, touched everywhere and got out at the other end really excited.

He decided he needed a drink so he got really pissed. We were walking through the park and he was leaning on to me saying really cute things like:

“I think I should turn straight and you could be my girlfriend, but I have no idea how we could have sex. Vaginas scare me.”

I was laughing really hard and set my mind into getting him hooked up with someone before we left. I don’t want to be someone’s second choice because he can’t pull! Oh, there was a short moment when he turned around to talk to me and he was really close so I could actually see his lips really close-up and I had this massive butterfly in my stomach ’cause I thought he would kiss me. He didn’t and I let my libido slide slowly under the surface. I still have a crush on him but I’m trying to suffocate it. No point loving someone who will never be 100% yours. He is massively cute though and I still wanna jump his ass.

So – the festival came to an end with Rita Ora performing and we decided to leave slowly to get to the bus station for 11PM.

We got there and surprise. We could not board because he booked the tickets for the next day!! So we were stuck in London for one more night. His battery was dying and with the last effort, he called a guy that fancied him and …well, tried to get us both a bed for the night. Unfortunately he was pubbing and suggested he (alone I presume) would come by another time and spend the night. I got some cash out of the ATM and we went to a hotel.

We tried about 5 of them (all closed) until we got lucky and managed to get rooms. We were talking on the road – OMG – what if we had to share a double room? I was really hoping they had no single rooms left but I was out of luck. My bad luck continued with a freezing shower (the boiler would not heat up) and the realization that I was out of female pads…Well, at least the bed was comfy and I slept well. We had a very nice continental breakfast and we managed to get the 8AM bus to Northampton (went through Heathrow) and got back home all knackered by about 12.

The entire weekend was quite costly:

• - £45 for the event ticket
• £17 for the bus fare
• £30 in drinks and t-shirts and face painting
• £12 to change the bus schedule for morning
• £5 for London fridge magnets
• £1 for two post cards
• £65 for the two rooms

I did pay for the rooms ’cause he cooks for me on a daily basis and it’s my way to reward him.

All in all, it was awesome and I can’t wait to do it again!

Yes, my bra kept popping up. Thank you shitty shirt for not staying closed.