“Politically Correct” Male Descriptions

He does not have a beer gut…
He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.

He is not quiet…
He is a Conversational Minimalist.

He is not stupid…
He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He does not get lost all the time…
He discovers Alternative Destinations.

He is not balding…
He is in Follicle Regression.

He is not a cradle robber…
He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He does not get falling-down drunk…
He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He does not have his head up his ass…
He suffers from Rectal-Cranial Inversion.

He is not short…
He is Anatomically Compact.

He does not have a rich daddy…
He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.

He does not constantly talk about cars…
He has a Vehicular Addiction.

He does not have a hot body…
He is Physically Combustible.

He is not unsophisticated…
He is Socially Challenged.

He does not eat like a pig…
He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.

He is not a bad dancer…
He is Overly Caucasian.

He is not a sex machine…
He is Romantically Automated.

He does not hog the blankets…
He is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is not a male chauvinist pig…
He has Swine Empathy.

He does not undress you with his eyes…
He has an Introspective Pornographic Moment.

He is not afraid of commitment…
He is Monogamously Challenged.

“Politically Correct” Female Descriptions

She does not: Get PMS
She becomes: HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

She does not have: A Killer Body
She is: GEOMETRICALLY SUPERIOR

She is not: A Bad Cook
She is: MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She is not: A Bad Driver
She is: AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

She is not: Easy
She is: HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not: Wear Too Much Make-Up
She is: COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED

She will never: Gain Weight
She will become: A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER

She is not: A Screamer Or Moaner
She is: VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She will never: Sag
She will become: GRAVITATIONALLY CHALLENGED

She does not have: Big Hair
She is: OVERLY AEROSOLED

Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P. – Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man – Dum Gai

Small Horse – Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high!!! – No Bai Dam Thing!!

Did you go to the beach? – Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table – Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift – Chin Tu Fat

It’s very dark in here – Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed? – Hao Long Wei Ting?

That was an unauthorized execution – Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet – Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone – No Pah King

Do you know lyrics to the Macarena? – Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

You are not very bright – Yu So Dum

I got this for free – Ai No Pei

I am not guilty – Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer – Wai Go Nao?

Meeting was scheduled for next week – Wai You Kum Nao

They have arrived – Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight – Lei Lo

He’s cleaning his automobile – Wa Shing Ka

He is a fat man – Wun Fat Gai

Best way to proceed when meeting one of these people is taking a picture and using it to show your parents that this is your new date (boyfriend or girlfriend). Most of these were taken in Romania, but there are some with Americans as well (you can do the guessing).

Naked woman running on the streets

The following two would win a prize in an uglyness contest

Hey dad, this is my new Girlfriend

Hey dad, my new girlfriend. She has a wonderful smile, no?

Let’s not forget the men!

McDonald's dad

Grandpa in a shopping bag

Or these beauties:

Prince Charming

Felix - my only love

Please don't laugh!!